Try Jokes / Recent Jokes
the water in your kettle is boiling at 373 Kelvin.
you know that the speed of light is 299, 792. 5 km/sec.
you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
you've already calculated how much you earn per second.
you are sure that differential equations are a very useful tool.
you are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
you know the size of the elctron, but don't know your own shirt size.
when you break a vase you blame the second law of thermodynamics.
you try to explain entropy to strangers at your table during casual dinner conversation.
you avoid stirring your coffee because you don't want to increase the entropy of the universe.
your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.
you're at a wine tasting event and find yourself paying more attention to the cork screws than the Chardonnay.
you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected more...
A drunk walks into a bar one night and reads a sign on the wall that says "Ask me about our contest".
"What's this about your contest?" the drunk queried.
"Oh yeah," the bartender said, "we have this contest going. If you can hit the bull's eye three times in a row, you win a prize."
"I think I might try your contest," the drunk replied. "Give me a drink."
So the bartender fixes him a drink, the man glugs it down, and throws the dart. BANG! It hits the bull's eye.
"Fix me two drinks!" the drunk says. The bartender complies. The man throws a second dart and BAM! it hits the bull's eye.
"Wow! Nobody's ever done two before!" the bartender cried in awe.
"Yeah, well fix me three drinks!" the man says, and the bartender does. BAM! a third dart hits the bull's eye. By this point, the man is sloppy drunk. "What do I more...
A Cynics Guide to Life:
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and...
Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.
If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.
If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain more...
Dear Dog and/or Cat,
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. (Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.)
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking more...
I try to make my words soft and tender for tomorrow I may have to eat them.
Girl: If you will try to kiss me main shor macha dungiBoy: Lekin yahan to dur tak koi nahi hai.
Girl: I know per formality to karni hi padegi.
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.