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Why Men Always Have Opinions, Even On Subjects They Know Nothing About In the animal kingdom, males
exhibit what is known as "display behavior" in order to attract females and to ward off rival males.
They thrust out their chests, ruffle their plummage, and generally try to appear more impressive than
they really are. On nature shows, this is comic. It appears comic, too, when it shows up among
humans: the guy in the Camaro with all the gold chains, say, or Vanilla Ice's haircut. It has been
discovered that display behavior is much more common among humans than had been previously believed.
Have you ever wondered why:
Men who have never been west of Kentucky can tell you about the mentality of the Japanese?
Men who can't pay their credit-card bills have a plan for dealing with the national debt?
Men who aren't on speaking terms with their families know how to achieve peace in the Middle
East?
Men who flunked high-school more...

Some of you may not find these at all funny but their is defintely a demographic that loves them. We decided to just collect as many as possible and throw them all onto one page. Enjoy! Yo mamma's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon. Yo mamma's so fat her clothes have stretch marks. Yo mamma's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones. Yo mamma's so fat, she has two stomaches...one for meats and one for vegetables. Yo mamma's so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks. Yo mamma's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. Yo mamma's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs. Yo mamma's so fat, her belt size is equator. Yo mamma's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it. Yo mamma's so fat, she has to buy two airline tickets. Yo mamma's so fat, every time she puts an apple in her mouth people try to roast her. Yo mamma's so fat, when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party. Yo mamma's more...

> DENTAL WORK
> ----------------------
>
> A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement
> that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he
> suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.
> Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I forgot my teeth."
>
> The man said, "No problem."
>
> With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair
> of false teeth. "Try these," he said.
>
> The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said.
>
> The man then said, "I have another pair... try these."
>
> The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."
>
> The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have
> one more pair of false teeth... try them."
>
> The speaker said, "They fit perfectly."
>
> With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After more...

What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!

Just before the start of the Christmas Eve Service, the minister
suddenly drops dead. Everyone looks around to see who will
conduct the services with a full house in attendance.
The president of the congregation looks at the vice-president and
as they try to decide what to do, from the back of the room Jack
the Junk Dealer yells out "I have a fantastic dog that sings
hymns, gives the best sermons you could ever hope to hear and
brings people to tears of joy."
With limited possibilities at the moment, they decide to give him
a try.
Up he goes to the pulpit and before you know it, the entire church
is crying with happiness. Now I have to admit it's a bit unusual,
but the fact is the members were happy and isn't that what
Christmas is about anyway?
Anyway, following the service, the president calls over the dog's
owner and offers to give him a contract until the minister can
be replaced. Just as more...

Computer Illiterate Support Call

' Hello, Support Desk, may I help you?'

'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

'What sort of trouble?'

'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

'Went away?'

'They disappeared.'

'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

'Nothing.'

'Nothing?'

'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'

'How do I tell?'

[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]' Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?'

'What's a sea-prompt?'

[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]' Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?'

'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I more...

There was a lady who was in bed with her lover one day, when she
hears a noise and realizes that her husband is home early from
work. She has no idea what to do with her lover so she sticks him
in the closet and successfully covers up every part of his body
except his balls. Thinking quick, she paints his balls red with
some spray paint.
Her husband comes up to the bedroom and opens the closet doors to
get out some clothes and notices the red balls hanging
there. "What are these?" he asks.

"Oh, those are just some Christmas Bells I picked up on sale this
afternoon," she answers.

He toys with them for a second and realizes that they are not
making noise, so he pulls them apart and clangs them together, but
all he hears is "uuuggghhh".

He says, "Honey, these things aren't working right, let me try
again." So he pulls them farther apart and bangs them more...