Try Jokes / Recent Jokes
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding assisted without any experience or lessons.
She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.
Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but slides down the side of the horse anyway.
The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.
She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Todd, the Wall-Mart Manager, runs out to more...
A woman is in the delivery room giving birth, the doctor tells her to push. She does and the baby's head pops out. The doctor says, "Oh! Your baby has slanted eyes." To which she replies "Yeah I heard them Chinese men were pretty good, so I decided to give them a try. The doctor shrugs it off and tells her to push again. This time the baby's body comes out. "Holy Shit, your baby has a white body," the doctor says. "Yeah I heard them white men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said. The doctor shrugs it off again and tells her to push again and that will be it. So she does and the legs come out. "Holy Shit! Your baby has black legs," the doctor said. "Yeah I heard them black men were pretty good so I decided to give them a try," she said. So the doctor shrugs it off again and ties the umbilical cord and slaps the baby on the ass, it starts to cry. The doctor turns to the woman and asks, "How are you going more...
How to be a Good WifeExcerpted from a 1950's high school home economics textbookHave dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal--on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed. Prepare yourself. Take fifteen minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a life. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up the school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too. Prepare the children. more...
Just so everyone has a better understanding, I believe that, in general, women are saner than men. For example: If you see people who have paid good money to stand in an outdoor stadium on a freezing December day wearing nothing on the upper halves of their bodies except paint, those people will be male.
Without males, there would be no such sport as professional lawn mower racing. Also, there would be a 100 percent decline in the annual number of deaths related to efforts to shoot beer cans off of heads.
Also, if women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be no war. I sincerely believe this - virtually no military conflicts, and if there were a military conflict, everyone involved would feel just awful and there would soon be a high-level exchange of thoughtful notes written on greeting cards with flowers on the front, followed by a Peace Luncheon (which would be salads, with the dressing on the side).
So, I sincerely believe that more...
A Collection of Lawyer Jokes
An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the more...
Always try to be modest. And be damn proud of it!
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hands....
Attempt to get a new car for your spouse-it'll be a great trade!
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Everybody repeat after me.....'We are all individuals.'
Death to all fanatics! Guests who kill talk show hosts-On the last Geraldo.
Chastity is curable, if detected early.
Don't be sexist; broads hate that!
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Hell hath no fury like the lawyer of a woman scorned.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet more...