Try Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following are actual signs found on church property.

"No God-No Peace. Know God-Know Peace."

"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"

"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."

"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"

An ad for St. Joseph`s Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."

When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."

"Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons-come hear one!"

A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the more...

An elderly playboy we know has catalogued the three stages of a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly, Try Weakly.

When the office photo-copies began to look faint, the office manager called in a local repair service. The friendly technician after inspecting the equipment, informed the manager that the machine was in need of a good cleaning. The tech suggested that someone might try reading the operator's manual and perform the job themselves, since it would cost $100.00, if he did the work. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, the office manager asks, "Does your boss know you are discouraging business?" "Actually, my boss demands we explain this to all our customers". "After people try first to fix things themselves, we end-up making much more money on repairs"

A little girl in first grade was doing very well especially in spelling. One day she came home with new words to study for an upcoming test and she asked her mother to help.

They came to the word "knit" and her mother asked her to spell it.

She said, "n-i-t".

Her mother said, "No, try again."

She said, very slowly, "n-i-t".

Her mother said, "Now, honey, I know you know how to spell this word, try again."

Very aggravated and very slowly, as if her mother was just not getting the whole picture, she spelled, "N-I-T!"

Finally, her mother told her that the correct spelling was k-n-i-t.

The little girl looked at her mother, put her hands on her hips and said, "THE' K' IS SILENT!"

One white guy went to the bathroom to pee.
He saw a black guy at the next urinal with a huge penis.
White guy said " wow! brother, you gotta huge pecker"
Black guy just grinned and said "Why thank you, man.
Would you like to know how you could have one too?
"Hell yes," replied the white man as dreams of all the
women he could have danced through his head.
"Well, tell you what you do... you lay your dick out on
the table, grease it up real good with some butter...
and smack it REAL hard between two bricks," stated the
coon without even flinching.
The white guy raised his brow and winced in pain, "Are
you sure, man?! That has to hurt like hell!!!"
The spook just grinned, "Nah, just hurts the first few
times, but damn it's worth it, let me tell you. I have
at least 6 women each week now that I have this huge
talleywacker!"
"Six women? Goddamn! I more...

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.

Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.

The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair... try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair of false teeth... try them."

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for more...

This exercise is suggested for seniors to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It's very easy and it is suggested to be done three days a week.

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides, and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, then relax.

Each day, you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb. potato sacks. Then 50-lb. potato sacks, and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.