Tube Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What's red and goes up and down?
A: A tomato in an elevator.
Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?
A: We have to stick together.
Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster?
A: Hello, hello.
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer.
Q: When is a baseball player like a thief?
A: When he steals a base.
Q: What did the can say to the can opener?
A: You make me flip my lid.
Q: What is a volcano?
A: A mountain with the hiccups.
Q: What do you find at the end of everything?
A: The letter "g".
Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?
A: He called a toe truck.
Q: Why do two skunks argue?
A: Because they like to kick up a stink.
Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier?
A: You can count on me.
Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
A: Put them in a barking lot.
Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on?
A: He more...
a brown, a red head, and a blonde were at the carnival and walked by an old man who said " come try out my lie detector machine. If you lie you will be sucked up a tube." The three ladies decided to try out the machine. The brown head said "Im the prettiest girl in the world," so she got sucked up the tube. The red head said
" im the richest person in the world," so she got sucked up the tube. The blonde said " I think..., " so she got sucked up the tube.
Q: What's red and goes up and down? A: A tomato in an elevator.Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue? A: We have to stick together.Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster? A: Hello, hello.Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldoser.Q: When is a baseball player like a thief? A: When he steals a base.Q: What did the can say to the can opener? A: You make me flip my lid.Q: What is a volcano? A: A mountain with the hiccups.Q: What do you find at the end of everything? A: The letter "g".Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe? A: He called a toe truck.Q: Why do two skunks argue? A: Because they like to kick up a stink.Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier? A: You can count on me.Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street? A: Put them in a barking lot.Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on? A: He wanted to be a cool cat.Q: What did the painter say to the wall? A: One more crack and I'll plaster you.Q: Why more...
Below are genuine announcements made by Tube Drivers on the London Underground.
"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage, what part of' stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?"
At Camden town station (on a crowded Saturday afternoon): "Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Please let the passengers off the train first. Let the passengers off the train FIRST! Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like Sardines, see if I care, I'm going home."
"Ladies & Gentleman, upon departing the train may I remind you to take your rubbish with you. Despite the fact that you are in something that is metal, fairly round, filthy and smells, this is a tube train for public transport and not a bin on wheels"
Driver: "I apologise for the delay leaving the station ladies and gentlemen, this is due to a passenger m*st*rb*ting on more...
Q: What’s red and goes up and down?
A: A tomato in an elevator.
Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?
A: We have to stick together.
Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster?
A: Hello, hello.
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldoser.
Q: When is a baseball player like a thief?
A: When he steals a base.
Q: What did the can say to the can opener?
A: You make me flip my lid.
Q: What is a volcano?
A: A mountain with the hiccups.
Q: What do you find at the end of everything?
A: The letter “g”.
Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?
A: He called a toe truck.
Q: Why do two skunks argue?
A: Because they like to kick up a stink.
Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier?
A: You can count on me.
Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the more...
Bifocals Barbie
Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild
colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of
Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
Hot Flash Barbie
Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while
tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with
hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
Facial Hair Barbie
As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available
with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.
Flabby Arms Barbie
Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved
gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too - muumuus with tummy-support
panels are included.
Bunion Barbie
Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken
their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the
pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
No-More-Wrinkles Barbie
Erase those pesky crow's-feet more...