Tuna Jokes / Recent Jokes

Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. "Hungry, Seymour?" the Lord asked."I could eat," said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka. The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again said, "I could eat."Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy, and chocolates. The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. Meekly, Seymour said, "Lord, I am very happy to be be in heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna. But in the Other Place, they eat like Kings. I just don't understand." "To be honest, more...

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large
Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was
outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his
neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each
Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got
together and decided that something had to be done about John, he was
tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and, they couldn't take
it anymore. They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic.
They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to
join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to
Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "
You
were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a
Catholic."
The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten
temptation was resolved. The next year's Lenten season rolled more...

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Tuna!
Tuna who?
You can tuna a piano, but you can't tuna fish! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Tuna!
Tuna who?
Tuna your radio down, I'm trying to get some sleep! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Tuna!
Tuna who?
Tuna piano and it'll sound better!

While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not. I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?" The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."

Mother Teresa died and went to heaven. God greeted her at the Pearly Gates.

"Be thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asked God.

"I could eat," Mother Teresa replied.

So God opened a can of tuna and reached for a chunk of rye bread and they began to share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looked down into Hell and saw the inhabitants
devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, and pastries. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remained quiet.

The next day God again invited her to join him for a meal.

Again, it was tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa could see the denizens of Hell enjoying lamb, turkey, venison, and delicious desserts. Still she said nothing.

The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. She couldn't contain herself any longer.

Meekly, she asked, "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient more...

Whats the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish??
You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish. .

Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. "Hungry, Seymour?" the Lord asked."I could eat," said Seymour.The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it.While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka.The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again said, "I could eat."Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy, and chocolates.The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. Meekly, Seymour said, "Lord, I am very happy to be be in heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna. But in the Other Place, they eat like Kings. I just don't understand." "To be honest, Seymour," more...