Tuna Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: What is the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish?
A: You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish.

Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. "Hungry, Seymour?" the Lord asked. "I could eat," said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka. The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again said, "I could eat." Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy, and chocolates. The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. Meekly, Seymour said, "Lord, I am very happy to be be in heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna. But in the Other Place, they e at like Kings. I just don't understand." "To be honest, more...

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know and I don't care.
What's the difference between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother?
One is Moscow, the other is cow's ma.
Where did the vegetables go to get drunk?
The Salad Bar.
Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.
Where does a one-armed man shop?
At a second hand store.
Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage?
Ta da dump, ta da dump, ta da dump Dump DUMP!!!
Which of these things don't belong: A tuna, a lobster, or a Chinese guy run over by a truck?
The tuna. The other two are crustaceans.
Who delivers puppies when the Vet isn't available?
The mid woof.
Why can't a woman ask her brother for help?
Because he can't be a brother and assist her too.
Why did the big moron fall off the roof and the little moron didn't?
Because he was a little more more...

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids won't eat broccoli.
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.
What's the difference between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother? One is Moscow, the other is cow's ma.
Where did the vegetables go to get drunk? The Salad Bar.
Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.
Where does a one-armed man shop? At a second hand store.
Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? Ta da dump, ta da dump, ta da dump Dump DUMP!!!
Which of these things don't belong: A tuna, a lobster, or a Chinese guy run over by a truck? The tuna. The other two are crustaceans.
Who delivers puppies when the Vet isn't available? The mid woof.
Why can't a woman ask her brother for help? Because he can't be a brother and assist her too.
Why did the big moron fall off the roof and the little moron didn't? Because he was a little more on.
Why did the chicken cross the road? more...

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids won't eat broccoli.What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care.What's the difference between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother? One is Moscow, the other is cow's ma.Where did the vegetables go to get drunk? The Salad Bar.Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.Where does a one-armed man shop? At a second hand store.Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? Ta da dump, ta da dump, ta da dump Dump DUMP!!! Which of these things don't belong: A tuna, a lobster, or a Chinese guy run over by a truck? The tuna. The other two are crustaceans.Who delivers puppies when the Vet isn't available? The mid woof.Why can't a woman ask her brother for help? Because he can't be a brother and assist her too.Why did the big moron fall off the roof and the little moron didn't? Because he was a little more on.Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the opossum it could be done.

While shopping at the grocery store, I noticed that the tuna packed in spring water was labeled dolphin safe, but the tuna packed in oil was not.
I mentioned this fact to the blonde cashier and mused out loud, "I wonder why?"
The blonde replied, "Must be because the oil would suffocate them."