Turkey Jokes / Recent Jokes
It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door."Please let me in," says the man desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one.""Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man."That's one is too skinny. What else you got?" says the man. The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer and waits a few minutes and brings the same turkey back out to the man."Oh, no," says the man, "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Little Johnny was having dinner with his parents when they started to fight. The dad called mom a bitch and the mom called dad an asshole. The next sunday it was time for them to go to church. Little Johnny walked into the kitchen were his mom was making the turkey they would have for dinner. Suddenly, mom screamed out FUCK because she cut off her finger. Little Johnny asked her what fuck means and mom replied "fuck is when you cut yourself while making a turkey. Then Little Johnny went into the bathroom were his dad was shaving. Suddenly his dad screamed out SHIT because he cut himself. Little Johnny asked his dad what shit means and his dad said "shit is when you cut yourself shaving". So off to church Little Johnny went. When he got to the church the preacher ased where his parents were and Little Johnny said " the bitch is at home fucking the turkey and the asshole is shitting himself".
Three blondes died and are up talking to St.Peter. He says, "I have one question and if you get it I will let you into heaven." He asks the first blonde, "What is Easter?"She answers, "Oh, that's that one time of the year when our whole family gets together and we eat turkey." St. Peter just shakes his head and says to the next blonde, "What is Easter?"She answers, "Oh, that is the time of year when our family gets together and we all open presents and the fat jolly guy comes down the chimney."Again St.Peter just shakes his head. He asks the third blonde, "What is Easter?"She says, "Oh that's when Christ died and they put him in a tomb and rolled a rock in front of it."St. Peter smiles and urges, "Yes... go on..." The blonde continues, "Then once a year we roll the stone away and he comes out and if he sees his shadow we have six more weeks of winter." Blonde
Three Blondes Arrive At The more...
A woman goes into a tattoo parlour and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put "Happy Thanksgiving" under the turkey.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa Clause with "Merry Christmas" up on her left thigh.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking good too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist says "If you don't mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?"
She says "I'm sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there's nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!"
A Thanksgiving Cookbookby Mrs. Geraghty's Kindergarten ClassNOTE: Mrs. Geraghty will not be reponsible for medical bills resulting from use of her cookbook. Ivette - Banana PieYou buy some bananas and crust. Then you mash them up and put them in the pie. Then you eat it. Russell - TurkeyYou cut the turkey up and put it in the oven for ten minutes and 300 degrees. You put gravy on it and eat it. Geremy - TurkeyYou buy the turkey and take the paper off. Then you put it in the refrigerator and take it back out and cut it with a knife and make sure all the wires are out and take out the neck and heart. Then you put it in a big pan and cook it for half an hour at 80 degrees. Then you invite people over and eat. Andrew - PizzaBuy some dough, some cheese and pepperoni. Then you cook it for 10 hours at 5 degrees. Then you eat it. Shelby - ApplesauceGo to the store and buy some apples, and then you squish them up. Then you put them in a jar that says, "Applesauce". Then you eat it. more...