Turtle Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. He ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.
"What did you do that for?" asked a passing giraffe.
"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."
"Wow, what a memory!" commented the giraffe.
"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall."

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephants tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. "Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks. "When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied. "Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe."Yep!" said the elephant. "Ive got Turtle-Recall."

Three turtles stop in at a bar on a hot day for a beer. While they're waiting they notice that it has started to rain.
"Freddy," says the biggest turtle to the smallest, "go home and fetch our umbrellas."
"No," replies Freddy, "because if I leave you'll drink my beer."
Both of the other turtles promise they would never do such a thing, so Freddy grudgingly gets down from the stool and heads for the exit. Two weeks go by, as the turtles stare thirstily at Freddy's untouched beer in front of them.
Finally one turtle says to the other, "Oh, let's go ahead and drink Freddy's beer. We can tell him it was never delivered."
A voice from up near the front of the bar says, "If you do, I'm not going home for the umbrellas!"

A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly. After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until reaches heavily into the ground with a hard knock over his shell. After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ground heavily again. The little turtle insisted again and again after each knock, while a couple of birds sitting at the edge of a branch, looking the turtle with pain.. suddenly the female bird says to the male: "Hey dear, I think it's time to tell our little turtle he is adopted."

A little turtle begins to climb a tree slowly.

After long hours of effort, he reaches the top, jumps into the air waving his front legs, until he crashes heavily into the ground with a hard knock on his shell. After recovering his consciousness, he starts to climb the tree again, jumps again, and knocks the ground heavily again.

The little turtle persisted again and again while a couple of birds sitting at the edge of a branch, watched the turtle with pain.

Suddenly the female bird says to the male, "Dear, I think it's time to tell our little turtle he is adopted."

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For
no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard.
Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink
with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago
wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can,
sending him flying way off into the jungle.
"Why did you do that?" the giraffe asks.
"When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason," the elephant replied.
"Wow! You must have a good memory!" exclaimed the giraffe.
"Yep!" said the elephant. "I've got Turtle-Recall."

A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.
The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don’t know, it all happened so fast. ”