Twenty Jokes / Recent Jokes

There's an elderly man and woman sitting in the sunroom of a retirement home. The old man says to the woman, "For five dollars, I'll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I'll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I'll take you to my room, light a few candles and give you a romantic evening of passion you'll never forget."The woman considers it a moment and then, after fishing through her purse, produces a twenty dollar bill. The man says, "So, you want the romantic night in my room, eh?" The woman replies, "No, I want four times in the rocker."

"I saw you kissing my sister last night!" jeered the brat to the embarrassed teenager.
"All right all right! Not so loud," said the youth. "Here`s fifty cents to keep your mouth shut."
"Gee, thank! Wait a minute and I`ll give you twenty cents change."
"Twenty cents change? What for?"
"I like to be fair," said the youngster, "and it`s the same price for everybody!"

What is twenty metres long, ugly, and sings `Scotland The Brave`? The Loch Ness Songster.

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds. Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?" "Yup, shore am!" "How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Ten pounds." The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds." The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"

A Bloke in Australia walks up to the bar with a big ostrich behind him, and as he sits, a small cat jumps up on the stool beside him. The barman comes over, regarding the trio with some curiosity, and says, "What'll it be?" The man says, "I'll have a pint", and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have a pint as well", says the ostrich. Bloke looks at the cat, and says "I suppose you want a drink too."

The cat replies, "I'll have a half, but I ain't fookin' payin'!"

So the barman pulls two and a half pints, and says "That'll be three pounds forty, please." The man reaches into his pocket, feels around, and, to the barman's surprise, pulls out exactly the three-forty in change. A while later, the same thing happens, and the man pulls the exact amount out of the same pocket.

The next day, the man, the ostrich, and the cat return to the same bar. "I'll have a more...

Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.

At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.

Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!".

The other replied, "No, it's not!".

The first man said, "Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.

To which the other man replied, "Silly, you can't tell a brook by it's clover."

Once upon a time, there was a blonde driving down the highway. In the distance, she saw a brunette doing jumping jacks in the middle of the road, so she decided to pull over. The brunette was jumping up and down clapping her hands over her head, and shouting, "Twenty one! Twenty one! Twenty one!" So, seeing how this looked like fun, the blonde got behind her, and started doing jumping jacks, and shouting, "Twenty one! Twenty one! Twenty one!" This goes on for about an hour, and the brunette got tired, so she sat down. But the blonde decided to continue because she was having the best time of her lifedoing jumping jacks in the middle of the highway shouting twenty one. Along came a truck and splat! There goes the blonde. Well the brunette got up and went back into the road and started doing jumping jacks and shouting, "Twenty two! Twenty two! "