Twisted Jokes / Recent Jokes

Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreo's:

1.The whole thing at once
2.One bite at a time
3.Slow and methodical nibbles, examining the results of each bite afterwards
4.In little feverous nibbles
5.Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...)
6.Twisted apart, the creme inside, then the cookie
7.Twisted apart, the creme inside, and toss the cookie
8.Just the cookie, not the creme inside
9.I just like to lick them, not eat them.
10.I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.
***

One day, a space ship landed in a farmer's field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife. As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed.Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship. The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed.The Martian then man took the farmer's wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another. They had been having sex for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmer's wife, "Well, how do you like having sex with a Martian? How does it feel?"The farmer's wife replied "It needs to be a little bigger around." So the Martian man twisted his right ear and presto, his penis became bigger around.About an hour later, the Martian man asked the more...

A man goes to his doctor for an annual check up.
The doctor says "I'll require you to come back tomorrow with a urine sample, a poo sample and a sperm sample".
The man replies "Right so doctor, I'll bring'em by tomorrow"
When he gets home his wife askes "Well what did he say? "
The man replies "He desires me to bring in a pair of your underwear."

A tomato, a piece of chewing gum, and a penis are all talking.
The tomato says "I've got the poorer live, I get chop up and stuck in a sandwhich".

The piece of chewing gum says "No, mine's poorer, I get chewed up, spit out and stepped on".

The penis says "No, by far I've gor the poorer life... I get a plastic case fixed over my head, then I'm shoved in a dark tunnel and prepared to do push ups' till I throw up!"

One day there was a little girl and it was her birthday, but her parents had to go out for the night so they hired a babysiter and told him to let the girl do whatever she required to do because it was her birthday.

So when the parents gone the little girl was playing and the babysiter got weary so he said "I'm going to take a shower and the little girl said "Oh, can I get a bathe with you?" and the babysiter said " Uh, O. K. Just don't look down."

When they were taking a bathe the little girl dropped the shampoo and when she picked it up she saw his dick and said "What's that?"

The guy said "Um, it's a ruber ducky" and the girl says "O. K."

Then the babysiter said "I'm tired I'm going to go to sleep." and the young lady says "Can I go to sleep with you?" and the guy says "Um, O. K. Just don't look under the covers."

So when they're in the bed more...

An Indian tracker is taking some pioneers through the plains in the mid-1800's. Suddenly he stops and points. "Bear have babies." He says.
One of the younger pioneers runs up and asks, "How'd you know that!?."
"I know these things," replied the Indian.
They continue their journey, and a little while later the Indian stops, points, and says, "deer tracks."
"How'd you know that!?" asks the young pioneer once again.
"I know these things."
After another hour of journeying, the Indian jumps of his horse and puts his ear to the ground. "Buffalo come."
"How'd you know that!?"
"Ear wet."

There were two guys taking a bathe. They were playing with eachother and kissing. Then sombody knocked on the door so one of the guys was like im going to answer the door so dont end without me right.

So he went to go answer the door when he came their was cum all over the walls curtains, everywhere. The guy says to him i told you not to end without me.
The other guy says i didnt..... I FARTED!!!!!!!