Typewriter Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day Steve is feeling a little turned on, so he calls his young daughter over and says, "Honey, go and tell mommy that I would really like to type a letter."
The little girl runs off and finds her mom. "Mommy," she shouts, "Daddy wants to type a letter."
Bev grins sheepishly and replies, "Sweetheart, go and tell Daddy that he can't type a letter today because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter."
She runs off to her father and gives him the message.
A few days later, Bev remembers that Steve was keen on a bit of nookie, so she calls her daughter over, "Sweetheart, go and tell Daddy that he can type his letter today."
The little girl goes off to find her father and tells him, "Daddy, Mommy said you can type your letter today."
"That's ok, honey," Steve replies, "You can tell mommy I don't need the typewriter anymore, I wrote my letter by hand."
A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine.
The man, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.
The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance.
"That's fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow."
"But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked.
The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine."
Mark and Sharon decide they don't want to discuss sex in front of their 4
and 6 year old children, so they decide to talk in code.
One day Mark is feeling a little bit turned on and says to Katie, "Tell
your mother I would really like to type a letter."
Katie runs off to find her mom. " Mommy, mommy", shouts Katie, "Daddy would
like to type a letter."
Sharon replies slightly sheepishly, "Katie, go and tell your daddy that he
can't type a letter today as there is a red ribbon in the typewriter."
Katie tears off to her father and says, " Daddy, daddy, mommy says you
can't type a letter today as there is a red ribbon in the typewriter."
A few days later Sharon remembers that Mark was a little bit keen on a bit
of nookie and she called Katie, "Katie, tell your daddy that he can type
that letter today."
Katie went off to look for more...
A critical shortage of typistsA soldier was asked to report to the headquarters sergeant for an assignment.The sergeant said,? We have a critical shortage of typists. I`ll give you a little test. Type this,? he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine.The man, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible.The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance.? That`s fine,?" he said.? Report for work at 8 tomorrow.??But aren`t you going to check the test?? the prospective clerk asked.The sergeant grinned.? You passed the test,? he replied,? when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine.?
I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil.
A few days ago, we were trying to explain to a MS-DOS user
how the VI editor works. Here's what we come up with:
Vi is an editor with two distinguished modes:
In Edit mode you have all the capabilities of grandma's
typewriter right under your finger tips! You can make the
very same mistakes as you did with granny's typewriter
(and your possibilities to correct them are about the same).
That's why Vi was provided with a second mode, namely the
_Beep_ mode. On a vt100 terminal or compatible you can
get into Beep mode by pressing an arrow or escape function
key. In this powerful Beep mode even the more innocuous
keystroke will promptly produce a Beep sound. As an example,
arrows, return, blank spaces and most capital letters will
produce beeps in the most arbitrary places of the screen.
Just think about the whole world of possibilities that
this mode gives to you:
-Compose a monotonic symphony or rap while editing more...
Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.