Thesis Jokes

Richard Watson, an MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed, blowing a whistle, and then walking off the field.

At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football game, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for an hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field.

Richard wrote his thesis on this, and graduated!

My classmate, Susan, and I are in the middle of our thesis rewrites for
Johns Hopkins University. We only have two weeks left and we are both
quite razzled at the prospect of doing more research in the remaining
time.
Today Susan called me to say that she desperately needed more history
about a small tribe of Native Americans that lives in the Grand Canyon
but there's only one telephone on the reservation and no one ever answers
it.
As a matter of fact, the three times she visited the tribe's Visitor
Center while she was on vacation, she said no one ever opened up the
building.
Being a computer geek, I said, "Have you checked the Internet?"
She said, "No, what a great idea! Thanks."
I did a quick check using Excite while she used Yahoo and she was
astounded at the information available about this little-known tribe.
She thanked me profusely for the tip and hung up.
Two hours later, she called me back more...

And now a parable relating to graduate work: THE RABBIT: A FABLE
One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the weather. The day was so nice that the rabbit became careless, so a fox sneaked up to her and caught her.
"I am going to eat you for lunch!", said the fox.
"Wait!", replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."
"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"
"Well, I am just finishing my Ph.D. thesis."
"Hah, that's a stupid excuse. What is the title of your thesis anyway?"
"I am writing my thesis on "The Superiority of Rabbits over Foxes and Wolves."
"Are you crazy? I should eat you right now! Everybody knows that a fox will always win over a rabbit."
"Not really, not according to my research. If you like, you can come to my hole and read it for yourself. If you are not convinced, you can go ahead and have me for more...

Banta Singh got tired of being the butt of jokes, and decided to do his PhD. Banta was looking out for a unique subject to write his thesis when he saw a cockroach. Banta placed the cockroach on the table and cuts one of its leg. Then he said "Walk". The cockroach moves forward. Then Banta cut its second leg and commanded "Walk". The cockroach manages to moves forward. Then Banta cut its third leg and commanded "Walk". The cockroach manages to wriggle forward on one leg. Finally Banta cut its fourth leg and said "Walk". The poor cockroach could not move and lay helplessly on the table. He repeats the same with over 1000 cockroaches. He finds that the results in all his experiments match. Banta is jubilant.
"Now," says Banta "My thesis is ready!" and proceeds to write it:
"When you cut four legs of a cockroach, it becomes deaf."

I got this off of another mailing list, and though you do have to be somewhat familiar with Depeche Mode's music in order to fully appreciate this, I thought I would forward it anyway...
-Dan Aeschliman
Statement of Thesis
(sung to the tune of Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus)
Your own statement of thesis
Something to help you write
Something of might
Your own statement of thesis
Something to help you write
Something you'll spite
Feeling depressed
When you take the test
You may just snap
'Cause you just write crap
Don't forget your bluebook
The proctors give you dirty looks
Taking the test
Of issues addressed
Things on your chest
They can't be repressed
I will be prudent
I'm only a student
Reach out and touch page
Reach out and touch page
Your own statement of thesis...
Feeling depressed
When you take the test
You may just snap
'Cause you just write crap
Don't forget your more...