Typing Jokes / Recent Jokes

I called a company and asked to speak to Bob. The person who answered said, "Bob is on vacation. Would you like to hold?"
I worked with an individual who plugged their power strip back into itself and for the life of them could not understand why their computer would not turn on.
"Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"
"A little. What's wrong?"
"Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened."
"How did you load the sheet?"
"It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident. So I folded it so only the recipient could open it and read it."
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.
"I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote control door unlocker. Now I can't get into more...

If I like it, it's mine.
If it's in my hand, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
If I think it's mine, it's mine.
If I.... Oops! I'm sorry, I goofed. Instead of typing in the Toddler Property Laws, I've been typing in Bill Gates' primary business plan.

Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450? my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming."I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, "All My Modems. more...

SCENE: It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting
outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter.
Along comes a fox, out for a walk.
FOX: "What are you working on?"
RABBIT: "My thesis."
FOX: "Hmm. What's it about?"
RABBIT: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
(incredulous pause)
FOX: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes."
RABBIT: "Sure they do, and I can prove it. Come with me."
They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After a few
minutes, the rabbit returns, alone, to his typewriter and resumes
typing.
Soon, a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking
rabbit.
WOLF: "What's that you're writing?"
RABBIT: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
(loud guffaws)
WOLF: "You don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
RABBIT: "No more...