Ucla Jokes / Recent Jokes

The president of ABC decided that it was time to build a new factory. He asked representatives from three development companies to come in and make a bid on the project. The three companies showed up at the scheduled meeting. The president of ABC asked the first company, Bruin Construction, who's president earned his MBA from UCLA, " How much will your company charge for this project?" "2 million," said Bruin. "1 million for materials and 1 million for labor." Then president then asks the same question to the second company, Cardinal Construction, whose president earned his MBA from Stanford. Cardinal answered, "3 million, 1. 5 million for materials, 1. 3 million for labor, and 0. 2 million for licenses and permits." Finally, the president asks the last company, Trojan Construction, whose president earned his MBA from USC. Trojan answered, " 4 million." "FOUR MILLION," yelled the president of ABC. "How do you breakdown more...

And then there was the UCLA professor who opened up his vest, pulled out his tie and wet his pants.

I'm sure you can substitute any college name you want into these and you will get the same results!!!
How many UCLA alumni does it take to change a light bulb?
One to crack the whip and make his bitches do it for him... How many UC San Diego students does it take to change a lightbulb? Two: one to mix the margaritas and one to call the electrician. How many UC Santa Cruz students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven: one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience. How many UC Davis students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: Davis doesn't have electricity. How many UC San Francisco students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure. How many UC Santa Barbara students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it. How many UC Berkeley students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seventy-six: one to change the lightbulb, fifty to more...

I'm sure you can substitute any college name you want into these and you will get the same results!!!
How many UCLA alumni does it take to change a light bulb?
One to crack the whip and make his bitches do it for him...
How many UC San Diego students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to mix the margaritas and one to call the electrician.
How many UC Santa Cruz students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Eleven: one to change the lightbulb and ten to share the experience.
How many UC Davis students does it take to change a lightbulb?
None: Davis doesn't have electricity.
How many UC San Francisco students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two: one to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.
How many UC Santa Barbara students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Only one, but he gets six credits for it.
How many UC Berkeley students does it take to change a lightbulb?
Seventy-six: one to change the more...

Lou Alcinder was probably the greatest college basketball player of all time leading UCLA to three NCAA championships.
After graduating, he changed his name to Kareem Abdul Jabbar in recogniiton of his Muslem faith. He led the Milwaukee Bucks and later the Los Angeles Lakers to NCAA championships. Along with Bill Russell and Wilt Chamberlain, he is still considered one of the three best centers ever to play in the NCAA. After finishing his basketball career, he became an actor and is probably best remembered as the co-pilot in the farce "Airplane"
Even in college, he was fascinated by modern biological science and took part in an experiment whee cells were removed from his mouth, cultured and frozen where thy will be kept until science is advanced enough to clone humans. He has been promised that his cells will be the first used. Because of this the project at UCLA has always been known as "Iced Kareem Clone".