Umpire Jokes / Recent Jokes
Once There Was A Match Between India And England. The Umpire Of The Match Was From England And So Was An English. During The
Match Sachin Hit A Six In The Crowd. Bal Thakre Caught The Ball In The Crowd. He Refused To Return The Ball. But Agreed To
Return It Only If The English Umpire Said A Word In Hindi Or Marathi. As He Did Not Know Any Word. He Said" Bal Thakre."He
Returned The Ball As He Thought He Said Ball Takre Which Means Throw The Ball In Marathi.
The cross-eyed bowler faced the umpire.' Owzat!' he shouted.
'Not out,' said the square-leg umpire.
The bowler turned to him. I wasn't talking to you,' he said.
I never said a word,' said third man.
Bill and Hillary are at the World series Game 1. The umpire stands up to start the game and makes a signal to Bill Clinton. Bill grabs Hillary by the collar and throws her off the bleachers.
"No!! No!! Mr. President!! I said throw the first pitch!!" yells the umpire.
A PAKISTANI umpire raised his finger skyward as if signalling a batsman out lbw. The batsman remonstrated angrily "Why did you give the out signal when I am not out?"
The umpire replied coolly, "My dear fellow, I did not mean to signal out for you, I was only pointing to Allah who is merciful, beneficent and the final judge."
APPEAL- A 250 decibel scream made to overcome the obvious congenital deafness so common in the umpiring profession.
AVAGOYAMUG- The mysterious, almost religious chant that comes out of the mouth of the cricket spectator. Sometimes it can be repeated by the one person 1200 times in an afternoon, especially if the Englishmen are batting.
BLOCK- Taking block, a slow painful ritual involving an incoming batsman, the umpire and a little pitch excavation. A means of postponing the fearful onslaught.
BRADMAN- See God.
BYE- A way of scoring a run or more by cleverly missing the ball. The umpire raises one arm as if he wants to leave the room. The wicketkeeper wishes he could.
CAUGHT BEHIND- Trapped in the turnstiles.
COMMENTATOR- He's venerable. His eyesight is not as good as it was in 1938 but it's remarkable how he can still pick an inswinger or an outswinger from 200 metres. Whats going on in the centre can be a wretched more...