Union Jokes / Recent Jokes

Civil War Era Humor The following are supposedly true definitions, stories, and terms relating to the Civil War. BIGGEST MAN... The biggest man in the Union Army was Capt. David Van Buskirk of the 27th Indiana Regiment who stood 6 feet 11 inches and weighed 380 pounds. He was captured in 1862 and was sent to a Richmond Prison where a Confederate entrepreneur put him on exhibit. Even Confederate President Jeff Davis came to see him and was astounded when the impish Van Buskirk claimed that back home in Bloomington Indiana, "when I was at the train station with my company, my six sisters came to say goodbye. As I was standing there, with my company, they all came up to me, leaned down and kissed me on top of the head." LETTER HOME... A young soldier left home to join the army. He told his girl friend that he would write every day. After about six months, he received a letter from his girlfriend that she was marrying someone else. He wrote home to his family to find out who she more...

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my potential-acquaintance-abuse-survivor gave to me:
Twelve males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
Eleven pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note...);
Ten melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping;
Nine persons engaged in rythmic self-expression,
Eight economically disadvantaged but still virginal Gyno-Americans stealing milk products from enslaved Bovine-Americans;
Seven endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands;
Six enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman animal products;
Five golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration;
(Note: after a member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red more...

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:
TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,
ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),
TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,
NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,
FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,
(NOTE after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw more...

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note), TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping, NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression, EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans, SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands, SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products, FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the more...

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my
potential-acquaintance-rape-survivor gave to me,
Twelve males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming.
Eleven pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up
of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for
in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a
note...)
Ten melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal
ruling class system leaping,
Nine persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,
Eight economically disadvantaged female persons stealing
milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans,
Seven endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,
Six enslaved fowl-Americans producing stolen nonhuman animal
products,
Five golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic
incarceration,
(NOTE: after member of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to more...

From the 1/26/96 editorial page of the Manchester Union Leader,
with credits to the Western Journalism Center:
In the New Mexico Legislature's 1995 session, Sen.
Duncan Scott, a Republican from Albuquerque, proposed an amendment
to a psychologist regulatory bill offered by another senator.
The Scott amendment would have dramatically changed the face
of New Mexico's legal system:
The amendment said: ''When a psychologist or psychiatrist testifies
during a defendant's competentcy hearing, the psychologist or
psychiatrist shall wear a cone-shaped hat that is not less than
two feet tall. The surface of the hat shall be imprinted
with stars and lightning bolts.
''Additionally, a psychologist or psychiatrist shall be required
to don a white beard that is not less than 18 inches in length,
and shall punctuate crucial elements of his testimony by
stabbing the air with a wand. Whenever a psychologist or
psychiatrist provides more...

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided
to check out the local brothels.
When he got to the first one, he asked the madame, "Is this
a union house?"
"No, I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20."
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped
off down the street in search of a more equitable shop.
His search continued as long as you want to draw things out,
until finally he reached a brothel where the madame said, "Why yes,
this is a union house."
"And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the man said. He looked around the
room and pointed to a stunningly attractive redhead. "I'd like her
for the night."
"I'm sure you would, more...