University Jokes / Recent Jokes
The new University of Georgia Campus Phone books arrived last month, with an AOL start up disk attached to each book. Now, thousands of AOL diskettes exist on the University campus, with most students at a loss as to what they can do with them. Here are a few suggestions given by a fellow UGA student...
- Original message -
Question: So what do you guys do with the AOL promo discs that seem to be everywhere? What can you do? I've got about 3 of them now, and don't really want to throw them away. Thanks!
Ans the answer:
Use them as coaters at your christmas parties and social occasions.
Decorate the tree with them. Also useful for this are promotional CD-ROMs.
Tile your bathroom walls! They also make an attractive and functional kitchen countertop.
Give them to kids as frisbees.
Subscribe to AOL! Wait a sec, what am I thinking? Nevermind that one, we've got MUSIC.
For those of you celebrating Haunakkah (sp?), drive nail through center: Instant more...
Q: How many East Carolina University students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Just one, but it takes six years!!
New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first."
Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."
And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." (1996)
Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."
Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, more...
Interesting Facts
*The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
* The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.
* Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
* Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
* David Prowse, was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.
* Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.
* In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
* Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.
* February 1865 is the only month in more...
The inebriated university professor staggered into the bar and asked the bartender for a dry Martinus.
"Beg your pardon, sir," the bartender replied, "But do you mean a Martini?"
"Now see here, my good man," exclaimed the ninety-proof prof. "If I want two, I'll ask for them."
A psychology student at a local university was sent on a fieldassignment to evaluate three patients in a local mental hospital. The first patient was locked in his room throwing tennis ballseverywhere. The student asked why, and the patient answered"When I get out of here I going to ba a tennis pro." The second patient was locked in his room throwing baseballseverywhere. When asked why he said "When I get out of here Igoing to be a professional baseball player." The student thought he was starting to get the hang of things, until he looked in on the third patient. There locked in themiddle of the room was a naked man, masturbating with a peanuton the end of his penis. The student asked, "I understand aboutthe others, but what are you going to be when you get out of here?" "They're never going to let me out of here," the patientsaid "I'm f**king nuts!"
A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs. 10 and that Continues for a year.
Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7, 50.
"Well," the beggar thinks, "it`s still better than nothing."
A year passes in this way until the man`s daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.
"What`s going on now?" the beggar asks his donor.
"First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7, 50 and now only Rs. 5. What`s the problem?"
"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It`s very expensive, so I had to cut costs.
This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."
"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
"Four," the man replies.
"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don`t plan to educate them all at my expense."