Unknown Jokes / Recent Jokes
The controller, working a busy pattern, told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft).
The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?
Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!"
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Unknown Aircraft: "I'm fucking bored!".
Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!!"
Unknown Aircraft: "I said I was fucking bored, not fucking stupid!"
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Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124. 7." (124. 7 would be the radio frequency for Departure Control).
Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure... By the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far more...
Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
- John Heywood
• I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.
- Sam Kinison
• It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
- Unknown
• A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
• I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.
- Noel Coward
• Don't marry a girl who says that she has already been asked to marry half-a-dozen times. Five times she has been asked by her mother and father.
- Unknown
Scientists Discover Previously Unknown Holidays
by S.J.Zeve at Hacker Times December 16, 1985
Researchers at the Hacker Institute have discovered a previously unknown pair of holidays similar in nature to All Saints Day and Halloween. Researchers claim that these holidays have been missed in the past due to their rather specialized natures and a non-religious orientation.
Adding to the confusion is the fact that the holidays seem, in many respects, to be fairly young in age and so not quite settled properly into calendar slots as are such older and more staid holidays as Christmas, New Years, Thanksgiving, Easter, Purim, Hannukah, and so forth. Indeed these two new holidays not only float around within the calendar from year to year on every currently known calendar system, but they are even known to shift position depending on where in the world you are celebrating them. For example, in the USA they might be celebrated in June while in Argentina they get celebrated in more...
Legalese Night Before Christmas*
THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS in Legalese (Author unknown)
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.
A variety of foot apparel, e. g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i. e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i. e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part more...
The Night Before Christmas, Legally Speaking: Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") ageneral lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but notlimited to, a mouse. A variety of foot apparel, e. g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixedby and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief thatSt. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus")would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i. e. thechildren, of the aforementioned House were located in their individualbeds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i. e. dreams, whereinvision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in saiddreams. Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred toas "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the more...
A delegation from the USA came to Norway, and after the grand reception and everything, asked to be taken to the monument of the unknown soldier.
The hosts became very confused, and didn't know what to do - they had no such thing - they feared a diplomatic incident!
Suddenly - one of the hosts said - follow me! So - desperate as they were - they did - they followed him. Suddenly - they came to a hill, on top of which there was a statue of Sibelius.
Puzzled, everyone asked him what was that supposed to be! and so he explained: "Sibelius was very very famous as a composer, but as a soldier - he was completely unknown!"
Before anybody decides to correct me if i m wrong - DON'T CONFUSE ME WITH FACTS!
The Cincinnati Bengals' football practice was delayed today for several hours after one of the players noticed a suspicious-looking, unknown, white, powdery substance on the playing field. Head coach Marvin Lewis immediately suspended practice, and the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed after special agents determined that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.