Unless Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1, 500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship. Bathhouses are against the law. It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. Women may not drive in a house coat. No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour. Many animals are illegal to own as pets, including snails, sloths, and elephants. In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are treated under the same guidelines as cats and dogs. Arcadia Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways. Alhambra You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit. Baldwin Park Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. Belvedere City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash." Blythe You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows. Burlingame more...

It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm in Norfolk, Virginia.

Ducks quacking after 10 pm in Essex Falls, New Jersey are breaking the law.

In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits.

In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts.

In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours.

In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset.

In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday.

In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is permanently closed.

In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman.

French Lick Springs, Indiana, once passed a law requiring more...

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating. Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way: This is what they live for. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive. There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent. People walk slower here. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big more...

Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows.
If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
Do not buy food at the movie store.
Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.
People walk slower here.
Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
The first Southern expression to creep into a more...

Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save it's master
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
c. After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into The Crying Game
Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend move: Your legs have been severed in a freak threshing accident.
If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum.
Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is more...

Law of Cat Inertia - A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion - A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism - All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics - Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching - A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping - All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
Law of Refrigerator Observation - If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to more...

Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:a. When a heroic dog dies to save it's masterb. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blousec. After wrecking your boss' Ferrarid. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into The Crying GameUnless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.Acceptable excuse for not helping a friend move: Your legs have been severed in a freak threshing accident.If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum.Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present more...