Upgrade Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Latest Report on Windows98: New Error Codes AssignedWinerr 000 - Unexpected Intelligent User Detected; Please Reload Everything Winerr 001 - Intimidation Failed; Attempting to Crash Repeatedly Winerr 002 - Erroneous Error; No Error Occurred (Yet) Winerr 003 - RAM Depleted; Annex Japan (Y/N)? Winerr 004 - Deluxe Error. Please Send $75 to Upgrade Your Error Winerr 005 - Long File Name Error; Tape Erased to Make Room for Filename Winerr 006 - Insufficient RAM to Crash Properly; Attempting Fake Crash Winerr 007 - Alphanumeric Sequence "OS2" Prohibited Winerr 008 - This License Has Expired; Please Purchase Another Copy Winerr 009 - Error Buffer Overflow; Too Many Errors Winerr 00A - Non-Microsoft Application Encountered Winerr 00B - Push Error; Removing Files to Make Room for Advertisement Winerr 00C - Windows Loaded Correctly This Time Winerr 00D - User Error; Lemming Not Found Winerr 00E - Open Standard Encountered; Attempting to Redmondize Winerr 00F - Reserved for Future more...

Dear Tech Support:

I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7. 0 to Wife 1. 0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.

In addition Wife 1. 0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Boys Night Out 2. 5, and Golf 5. 3 no longer run and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Sunday Football 6. 3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7. 1 runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1. 0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7. 0 but de-install doesn't work on this program.

Can you please help!
Joe.


Dear Joe,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic more...

"Government should be run like a business." We've all
heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue
Service (nobody's favorite government agency) would be
like, if only it were run like Microsoft Corp. (a
successful private enterprise).
The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be
mailed the week before the new year. However it will
follow Microsoft's example and actually ship them the
following May.
Responding to pressure from some large corporations and
a users' group, some early copies of the tax forms will
actually be released in March. The recipients must
sign non-disclosure agreements.
In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS
loses a suit for appropriating some other country's
intellectual property.
When you move, the IRS will continue to send mail to
your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft
sends its product upgrade notices.
When you upgrade from form more...

"Government should be run like a business." We've all heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue Service (nobody's favorite government agency) would be like, if only it were run like Microsoft Corp. (a successful private enterprise).
The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be mailed the week before the new year. However it will follow Microsoft's example and actually ship them the following May.
Responding to pressure from some large corporations and a users' group, some early copies of the tax forms will actually be released in March. The recipients must sign non-disclosure agreements.
In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS loses a suit for appropriating some other country's intellectual property.
When you move, the IRS will continue to send mail to your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft sends its product upgrade notices.
When you upgrade from form 1040 EZ to 1040 A, and then to 1040, you will pay an more...

"Government should be run like a business." We've all
heard that chestnut. Here is how the Internal Revenue
Service would be like, if only it were run like Microsoft.
The IRS, as always, announces new tax forms will be
mailed the week before the new year. However it will
follow Microsoft's example and actually ship them the
following May.
Responding to pressure from some large corporations and
a users' group, some early copies of the tax forms will
actually be released in March. The recipients must
sign non-disclosure agreements.
In June, the forms will be recalled because the IRS
loses a suit for appropriating some other country's
intellectual property.
When you move, the IRS will continue to send mail to
your previous address forevermore, just like Microsoft
sends its product upgrade notices.
When you upgrade from form 1040 EZ to 1040 A, and then
to 1040, you will pay an upgrade fee each time. more...

Subject: Girlfriend 1.0
Dear Technical Support:
I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I have been having some problems lately.
I have been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I have tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off.
I just run them separately, and it works okay. Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.
I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn t have enough cache to run more...

Picard "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access their command pathways?"Geordi "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.Riker looks puzzled. "What in the world is 'Microsoft'?"Data turns to answer. "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at an unstoppable rate."Picard "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"Data "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially more...