"Upgrade to Wife 1.0" joke

Dear Tech Support:

I am desperate for some help. I recently upgraded from Girlfriend 7. 0 to Wife 1. 0 and found that the new program began unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure.

In addition Wife 1. 0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialisation where it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Boys Night Out 2. 5, and Golf 5. 3 no longer run and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate Sunday Football 6. 3 always fails but Saturday Shopping 7. 1 runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1. 0 in the background whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7. 0 but de-install doesn't work on this program.

Can you please help!
Joe.

Dear Joe,

This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding.

Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 7. 0 to Wife 1. 0 thinking that Wife 1. 0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT program. Whereas Wife 1. 0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its creator to run everything.

You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1. 0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7. 0 as Wife 1. 0 is not designed to do this and it is impossible to de-install, delete or purge the program files from the system once installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8. 0 or Wife 2. 0, but have
ended up with even more problems. (See in manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors Fees). Having Wife 1. 0 installed myself I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best you can.

When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C: IAPOLOGISE program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-key. It may be necessary to run C: I APOLOGISE a number of times, but hopefully eventually the operating system will return to normal.

Wife 1. 0 although a very high maintenance program can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it consider buying additional software such as Flowers 2. 0 and Chocolates 5. 0.

Do not under any circumstances install Secretary (Short Skirt version) as this is not a supported application for Wife 1. 0 and the system will almost certainly crash.

Best of luck!
Tech Support