Upstairs Jokes / Recent Jokes

Out on the town one night, a young lad successfully chats up an attractive female, and they go back to her place.

"You can't make any noise," she warns him. "My parents are upstairs and if they find out they'll kill us!"

Things start getting heated on the sofa, but after a while alcohol gets the better of the man's bladder. "I have to go," he says.

"Well you can't go upstairs, it's right next to my parents' bedroom," she replies. "Use the kitchen sink."

So he dutifully retires to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he pops his head round the door and asks, "Do you have any toilet paper?"

A Good Samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk “do you live here? ” “Yep! ” “Would you like me to help you upstairs? ” “Yep. ” When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked “Is this your floor? ” “Yep. ” Then the Good Samaritan got to think that maybe he didn’t want to face the man’s irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk “Do you live here? ” “Yep. ” “Would you like me to help you upstairs? ” “Yep. ” So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk, Then went back downstairs. To his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over toward him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and more...

There was a couple and they went over to an enchanted castle. The woman was completly flat, and the man didnt have much. The woman went upstairs and saw a magic mirror and said to it "Mirror, Mirror, next to me, make my boobs a double d."When she came back downstairs the man saw her and was amazed. He decided to go upstairs too. He found another mirror and said "Mirror, Mirror, on the door, make my dick touch the floor." Then his legs fell off.

10 year old Johnny's mother, who was a hard working single mom, had been promising for some time now to buy poor Johnny a bike. Johnny, who loved his Momma dearly, hadn't made a big deal about it for a long time, but suddenly decided NOW was the right time to ask. So he rushes downstairs to tell his Momma that he wanted his bike and he wanted it now. He gets downstairs, looks around, doesn't see his mother, so he rushes back upstairs, opens the door to his mother's room and stops dead in his tracks,' cause there was his Momma, laying stark naked on her bed, rubbing herself all over repeating " Oh, I need a man, Ohhh I need a man." Johnny, who was naturally a little stunned by the sight, backs quietly out the door and goes back to his room. Well, a few days passes and Johnny works up the nerve to once again tell his Mother that he wants his bike and he wants it NOW. So he rushes downstairs, doesn't see his mother, he rushes upstairs, opens Momma's door and there once again more...

I am told that in the production of "The Diary of Anne Frank"
with Pia Zadora in the title role, [no, really] when the Germans showed
up, looking for hidden Jews, the audience started shouting "She's upstairs!
She's upstairs!"
Truly, an unforgettable actress.

Berkowitz is having a drink at his hotel when he spots a beautiful young woman at the other end of the bar. "Bartender," he says, "give that lady whatever she likes, and put it on my tab."When the drink is delivered, the woman gives Berkowitz a warm smile. Amoment later he's at her side. "That was very kind of you," she says. "Won't you sit down?"After a few minutes of small talk, she says, "Let me be honest with you. You're a very nice man, but I don't think you realize that I'm aprofessional. I'd be delighted to go upstairs with you for a hundreddollars. If that's not what you had in mind, I certainly understand, andI'll say good-bye now, no hard feelings.""I'm surprised," says Berkowitz. "But you're a beautiful lady, and I like you, too. I've never done something like this before, but sure, let's go upstairs."When they get to Berkowitz's room, he says, "I was wondering. There's something about you that makes more...

young billy over heard his parents fighting while getting ready for a party. his dad called his mom a bitch and his mom called his dad a bastard.and billy said mom wuts a bitch and a bastard? and his mom said a bitch is a lady and a bastard is a man. next he went outside and heard his neighbor say put your hot dog in my hot dog bun. and billy said mom whats a hot dog and a hot dog bun? a hot dog buns a hat and a hot dog is a coat. next he went upstairs and heard his dad say shit. and he said shit cause he cut himself. and billy said whats shit? and his dad said shit is a kind of shaving cream.then he went downstairs. his mom said fuck while she was cutting the turkey. and he said whats fuck.? and she said it was a way of cutting the turkey.then the door bell rang and she said go greet the guests. ok said billy. when he opened the door he said hi bitches and bastards, may i take your hot dogs and hot dog buns, my dads upstairs wiping the shit off his face and my moms fucking the turkey.