Upstairs Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little boy comes home from school and asks his mother for some ice cream.

The mother is having a bad day and snaps, "NO!". The little boy turns and runs into his room.

After a minute, the mother feels bad she snapped and knocks on his door.

"Johnny, I'm sorry I snapped at you. Do you want to play a game or something?"

"Sure," Johnny replies. "How about we play Mommy and Daddy?"

"OK," says the mother. "How do we play?"

"You go upstairs and lay down on your bed."

The mother figures this is harmless, so she agrees and goes upstairs.

Meanwhile, Johnny rummages throught the closet and finds his dad's hat and coat. He digs in the ashtray to find a long cigarette butt.

After dressing and putting the cigarette in his mouth, he swaggers up the stairs.

There, on the bed, is his mother. Johnny marches in, walks up to more...

"Hello?"
"Hi, honey, this is Daddy,". ... "Is your Mommy near
the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle
Frank,"
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But you haven't got
an Uncle Frank, honey!"
"Oh Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with
Mommy, right now!"
"Uh, Okay, then...... here's what I want you do. Put
down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom
door and shout to Mommy and Uncle Frank that Daddy's
car's just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!"
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the
phone. "Well, I
did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?" he asks.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no
clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped
over the rug and went flying out the front window more...

There's this couple doing yard work and the wife stops to go up and take a shower..... so the guy is looking for the rake and yells to his wife, who looks out the upstairs bathroom window "where's the rake?".
She can't hear him, so he points to his eye [I], points to his knee [need] and then makes raking motions.
"What?" she yells.
So he goes through the whole routine again. She nods like she gets it and then points to her eye, points to her left breast, points to her ass and then to her crotch.
Her husband is totally confused [and somewhat aroused] so he goes in the house and upstairs and leans around the corner "what did you say?"
She says "I SAID: eye, left tit, behind, the bush."

"Hello?" says a little girl's voice. "Hi, honey, it's daddy," says Bob, "is mummy near the phone?" "No, daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with uncle Frank." After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an uncle Frank, honey!" "Yes I have, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with mummy!" "Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to mummy and uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house." "Okay, daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, daddy." "And what happened?" "Well, mummy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out the front window and now she's all dead." "Oh my god... And what about uncle Frank?" "He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he more...

Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: "You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building- by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
The 2nd Man says: "What are you a nut? There is no way in heck that could happen."
1st Man: "No it's true let me prove it to you." So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
The 2nd Man tells him: "You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."
1st Man: "No, I'll prove it again" and again more...

Your mama is so stupid that when she wanted to go upstairs to bed she went to the basement.

A newly-married couple came home from their honeymoon and moved into the upstairs apartment they'd rented from the groom's parents.

That night, the father of the groom was awakened from his sleep by his wife. "Tony, listen!" she whispered.

He listened. Upstairs, the bed was creaking in rhythm.

The wife said, "Come on, Tony! Let's make love!" So Tony climbed on top of his wife, and pounded the old bone home.

As he was trying to fall back asleep 15 minutes later, the bed upstairs started creaking in rhythm again. "Come on, Tony!" said the wife. "Let's make love again!"

Once again, Tony climbed on top of his wife and screwed her as hard as he could.

As he was trying to fall back asleep 15 minutes later, the bed upstairs started creaking in rhythm again. "Come on, Tony!" said the wife. "Let's do it again!"

So Tony grabbed a broom and pounded on the more...