Upstairs Jokes / Recent Jokes

Blonde Girl's Blonde Husband
A blond guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises
coming from
the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the
bed, sweating
and panting. "What's going on here?' he says. "I'm having a
heart attack,"
cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but
just as he's
dialing, his 4-year old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy!,
Uncle Ted's
hiding in your wardrobe closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams
the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his
screaming wife,
and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his
brother, totally
naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor. "You IDIOT!!!," says the
husband, "my
wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked
and scaring the
kids."

There's this young couple, Louise and Al, they've been married for about a year, and the bride isn't getting any sex. Just about every night hubby comes home, has a shower, gets changed and goes down to the pub. She's getting increasingly rampant as the days go on, but each night she is disappointed. Al comes home every night completely hammered and unfit for sexual activity. One particular night when Al gets in from work, Louise is seated provocatively on the sofa, wearing the skimpiest dress she has, suspenders, stockings, and very sexy lace panties and bra. As is always the case, Al comes home runs upstairs, gets ready and goes to the pub. Once again Louise is rejected, so she sits back with a bottle of wine to console herself. Then at 11 pm (well before normal) she hears Al coming up the driveway and opening the front door. Louise re-adopts her sexually provocative pose on the sofa and to her surprise, Al's first words are, "Right woman, get upstairs - into the bedroom." more...

A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and she was mad.
Mom: "Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play."
Son: "But mom, there's no one to play with."
Mom: "I'll play with you, what do you wanna play?"
Son: "Lets play mommy and daddy, you go upstairs and lay down on the bed."
The mom said "ok", and went upstairs. The son put on his dad's fishing hat and lit up one of his dad's cigarettes. He went upstairs and opened the door.
Mom: "Now what do I do?"
Son: "Get your ass out of bed, you whore, and fix that kid some friggin ice cream."

A small boy hears a noise coming from upstairs, he shouts to his mum and dad to find out what they are doing.His mum replies just having bacon and eggs son.A few days later the small boy hears the same noise again upstairs, he stands at the bottom of the stairs and sees his mum coming down.Have you been having bacon and eggs, yes said his mum how do you know.The boy replied i can see BACON FAT DRIPPING DOWN YOUR LEG

Berkowitz is having a drink at his hotel when he spots a beautiful young woman at the other end of the bar. "Bartender," he says, "give that lady whatever she likes, and put it on my tab." When the drink is delivered, the woman gives Berkowitz a warm smile. Amoment later he's at her side. "That was very kind of you," she says. "Won't you sit down?" After a few minutes of small talk, she says, "Let me be honest with you. You're a very nice man, but I don't think you realize that I'm aprofessional. I'd be delighted to go upstairs with you for a hundreddollars. If that's not what you had in mind, I certainly understand, andI'll say good-bye now, no hard feelings." "I'm surprised," says Berkowitz. "But you're a beautiful lady, and I like you, too. I've never done something like this before, but sure, let's go upstairs." When they get to Berkowitz's room, he says, "I was wondering. There's something about you that more...

After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink. "You can't make any noise," she warned him. "My parents are upstairs and if they find out they'll kill us."
Things started getting heated on the sofa, but after a while alcohol got the better of the man. "I have to go," he said.
"Well you can't go upstairs. The bathroom is right next to my parents' bedroom," she replied. "Use the kitchen sink."
So he dutifully retired to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he popped his head around the door and asked, "Do you have any toilet paper, or should I just use a paper towel?"

A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he asks. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You bastard!!!" says the husband. "My wife's having a heart attack, and all you can do is run around the house naked scaring the kids?"