Upstairs Jokes / Recent Jokes

A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready - all dolled up, cat put out, etc.

The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home, the cat shoots back into the house.

Not wanting their often rowdy cat to have free run of the house while they were out, the husband went back upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab, and said, "Sorry I took so long. Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. Whats up? he says. Im having a heart attack, cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as hes dialling. his four-year-old son comes up and says, `Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Teds hiding in your wardrobe and hes got no clothes on! The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor. You jerk, yells the husband, my wifes having a heart attack and youre running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!

A Good Samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "do you live here?"
"Yep!"
"Would you like me to help you upstairs?"
"Yep."
When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?"
"Yep."
Then the Good Samaritan got to think that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs.
However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?"
"Yep."
"Would you like me to help you upstairs?"
"Yep."
So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk, Then went back downstairs.
To his surprise, there was another more...

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

"You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."

The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with' hell' and you say something with' ass.'" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, Hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."

WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can just stay there until I let you out!"

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks
with a stern voice, "And what more...

A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock so loudly. The passerby asks, "Who's in your upstairs room?"The elderly man replies, "I can't see how it's any of your business. Since, you must know, my daughter and intended son-in-law are upstairs."The passerby hands him the used condom and says, "Well, I just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild fell out the window!"

While the children were watching TV the wife signald to her husband and they went upstairs. The two little sons were curious to know what was happening. The eldest crept upstairs and noticed the bedroom door was ajar. He peeped in and took his little brother too. But he warned the little brother " Before you look, keep in mind that it is the same woman who paddled our bottoms for sucking the Thumb".

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon." Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked." Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking,' Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?" So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?" "No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep. When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?" "No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand."