Upstairs Jokes / Recent Jokes

A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?" "Yep".
Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs.
Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But before more...

There was a man that really had to take a shit, so he
went into a nearby bar and asked the bartender where
the bathrooms were. The bartender said, "Go upstairs
and it is the 2nd door on the right." So the man went
upstairs and couldn't find the bathrooms anywhere. He
looked in every door there was. He really really had
to take a shit by that time, so he saw a hole in the
floor and he decided to take a crap in it. So he went
ahead and did his business. After he had relieved
himself, he went back downstairs and noticed there was
nobody in the bar. He asked the bartender, "Where did
everybody go?" The bartender replied, "Where were you
when the shit hit the fan?"

A 7 year old boy and his 4 year old brother are upstairs in their bed room. The 7 year old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7 year old says, "When we go down stairs for breakfast this morning, I'll say "Hell" and you say "ass." The 4 year old happily agrees.
As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their Mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7 year old replies, "Ah hell, mom, I'll just have some Cheerios."
"WHACK!" The surprised mother reacts quickly. The boy runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner voice, the mother then asks the younger son, "And what would YOU like for breakfast?" "I don't know," the 4 year old blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it's not gonna be Cheerios."

it was the day before thanksgiving and the dad was upstairs shaving and he cut himself and said shit and the little boy said what does that mean and the father said its another word for shaving the mom and the dad had an argument the mom said you bitch you bastered and the boy said what does that mean and they said its another word for ladies and jentlemen so the mom was downstairs cleaning the turkey and she cut herself and said fuck the boy said what does that mean its another word for cleaning the turkey and the doorbell rang the little boy said to the guest hello bitches and bastereds my dad is upstairs shaving the shit off his face and moms in the kitchen fucking the turkey.

Tommy and his dad went upstairs one day to hang a picture while mom made lunch. About twenty minutes after they went upstairs, Tommy came downstairs crying.
"What's wrong?" His mother said.
"Daddy slipped and hit his thumb with the hammer!" said Tommy.
"Well..." Tommy's mother said, "That's nothing to cry about, daddy will be okay. It's actually kind of funny, I don't know why you didn't laugh when it happened."
"That's the problem," said Tommy through his tears, "I did!"

A couple were going out for the evening. They’d got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don’t want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother. ” A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -”Sorry I took so long” he says, “Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! ”

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman charges him 10 cents. Confused, but not complaining, the man pays.
After a while he decides to have another, and some food, so he orders another beer and a steak. The barman charges him 25 cents, 10 for the beer and 15 for the food.
After finishing his food and drink, he calls the barman over and says, "Mate, that was the best steak I've ever had. I want to talk to the manager and thank him."
"No problem," says the barman. "He's upstairs with my wife." "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" asks the man.
"Probably the same thing I'm doing to his business down here!"