Urine Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, a man complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, guess I should see a doctor."His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00."The guy figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise andvarious lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:You have tennis elbow.Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.It will be better in two weeks.That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled.He decided to give it more...

A man goes to his physician and is shocked to find that he has been replaced by a super-computer. The computer asks him his ailments and the man says he has a sore elbow. A drawer pops out and he is asked to urinate in it. After a few bleeps and flashing lights the computer decides he has tennis elbow.
The man is annoyed and decides to get one over on this machine so he asks his wife for a urine sample. He then mixes this with urine from his dog and his small son and to top it off, adds some of his sperm. He takes it to the computer-physician who again asks him for a sample. He places the urine/sperm sample in the drawer and the computer makes its usual display of bleeps and flashes before telling him that his wife is pregnant, his dog has rabies, his son has chicken pox and if he doesn't stop masturbating he'll never get rid of his tennis elbow.

Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. From time to time the young nurse came in and said in a patronising tone, "And how are we doing this morning?"

Well, this is a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went.

The nurse came in, picked up the urine bottle and said, "It seems we are a little cloudy today..." At this, Harry snatched the bottle out of her hand, drinked its contents, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, maybe I can filter it better this time."

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
"Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store.

Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together more...

This young woman brought her child into Children's Hospital
for a routine check-up. On the records, the nurse saw that
the child's first name was Urine (pronounced Urin-ie). Not
wanting to be rude, but wanting to know why this woman would
name her child this, the nurse asked her how Urine got her name.
The woman explained, "Well, my baby was born premature and had
to stay in the special nursery. She was real sick and they
didn't know if she would make it. I couldn't decide what to
name her, but the nurses said they would pray for her. One
day I came in and there was this paper on her incubator that
said 'Please save Urine', so I knew that they had named my baby."

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied." You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything anytime!""Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have a job." He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25, 000 and another for $50, 000." How in the world did you do that?" they asked." I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone anything, anytime!""Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him." What's that?" he asked." Well, if you sell a policy over $20, 000 the company requires a urine sample. Now take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples." He was gone about 8 hours and the office was about to close, when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt more...

An old man goes to the doctor. The doctor asks for stool, urine, blood, and semen samples. The old man can't believe it. He takes all his little sample jars and goes home. At home, he tells his wife that the doctor wants stool, urine, blood, and semen samples. The wife looks aghast and then realisation spreads like the dawn across her wrinkled facial features. "That's easy," she says, relief obvious in her voice. "All he wants is your pajama pants!"