User Jokes / Recent Jokes

WOMBAT:
Stands for "Waste of Money, Brains and Time". Suitable for describing a person, product or project.
Code 18:
An error made by the user. Refers to the 18 inches that separate a user's face from the computer display.
Lasagna Syndrome:
Writing a piece of software with so many overlapping dialog boxes that it's nearly impossible to complete a task.
Nerd Bird:
Any weekday direct airline flight between another U.S. city and San Jose, California. These flights are typically over-populated with engineers and technical types, so a good amount of job seeking and rumor-milling occurs during each run.
Waldo:
A demo given with great showmanship for a product with little innovation or creativity.
Booth Bunny:
The attractive women staffing the booths at tradeshows that do not work for the main company represented and have no technical knowledge whatsoever.
Triority:
The three things your manager would have you do at once.
I/O more...

Comments made by Programmers when their programs dont work: Strange... Ive never heard about that. It did work yesterday. Well, the program needs some fixing. How is this possible? The machine seems to be broken. Has the operating system been updated? The user has made an error again. There is something wrong in your test data. I have not touched that module! Yes yes, it will be ready in time. You must have the wrong executable. Oh, its just a feature. Im almost ready. Of course, I just have to do these small fixes. It will be done in no time at all. Its just some unlucky coincidence. I cant test everything! THIS cant do THAT. Didnt I fix it already? Its already there, but it has not been tested. It works, but its not been tested. Somebody must have changed my code. There must be a virus in the application software. Even though i t does not work, how does it feel? How come you didnt find it during the system testing? Its a setup problem. And the Ultimate: A smart user would never do more...

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do:
They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.
Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down
the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.
Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk -
okay, Windows does that, too.
Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along
with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does
that, too.
Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their
system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new
hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too.
Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental
differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are
running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and
efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they
mature.
So, Windows is not a virus...

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: 1.They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that. 2.Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that. 3.Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too. 4.Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - Sigh.. Windows does that, too. 5.Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. - Yup, Windows does that, too. Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So Windows is not a virus. It's a bug.

Real opcodesAAC Alter All Commands AAD Alter All Data AAO Add And Overflow AAR Alter At Random AB Add Backwards ABC AlphaBetize Code ABR Add Beyond Range ACC Advance CPU Clock ACDC Allow Controller to Delete Contents ACDP Allow Controller to Die Peacefully ACQT Advance Clock to Quitting Time ADB Another Dumb Bug AEE Absolve Engineering Errors AFF Add Fudge Factor AFHB Align Fullword on Halfword Boundary AFP Abnormalize Floating Point AFR Abort Funny Routine AFVC Add Finagle`s Variable Constant AGB Add GarBage AGWA Add and Get Wrong Answer AI Add Improper AIB Attack Innocent Bystander AIB Attack Innocent Bystanders AISG Access and Improve Student Grade AMM Add Mayo and Mustard AMM Answer My Mail AMS Add Memory to System ANC ANnoy Consultant AOI Annoy Operator Immediate AR Advance Rudely AR Alter Reality ARN Add and Reset to Non-zero ARN Add and Reset to Nonzero ARZ Add and Reset to Zero AS Add Sideways ASQGSA ASCII Stupid Question, Get a Stupid ANSI AT Accumulate Trivia AWP Argue With more...

Registered users can get special icons next to their names that signify certain accomplishments. To learn how points are awarded, please visit our rules page. Icons are awarded as follows:
Green Star~~~= User has submitted 5 jokes.
Red Star~~~= User has submitted 10 jokes.
Blue Star~~~= User has submitted 50 jokes.
Glod Star~~~= User has submitted 100 jokes.
Rainbow Star~= User has submitted 200 jokes.
Red Dot~~~= User has cast 10 votes.
Small Dartboard~~~= User has cast 50 votes.
Medium Dartboard~~~= User has cast 100 votes.
Large Dartboard~~~= User has cast 250 votes.
Dartboard with 1 Arrow~~= User has cast 500 votes.
Dartboard with 2 Arrows~= User has cast 1000 votes.
Dartboard with 3 Arrows~= User has cast 2500 votes.
Smiley Face~= User's jokes rate at least 2.5 on average.
Male sign~~~=User is a male.
Female Sign~=User is a female.
(you can set your gender by editing your account)
Pencil with #1~= User is a Level more...

From "Machine Design" Magazine...... Byte BatAll too often, computers aren't up when you need them, or some sort of system error costs you a lot of time and effort. Hitting a computer or terminal with anything substantial can be satisfying, but expensive. That's where the Byte Bat comes in. It is a foam rubber baseball bat, 17 in. long, that may give you a harmless but satisfying way in which to "strike back" at computers. Specially designed to serve as a frustration shunt, the Byte Bat is compatible with all computers and operating systems, making it the first universally compatible foamware. Each Byte Bat comes with a complete user's manual, one genuine "Byte Bat User Button," one multi-color poster showing the device in use, and a warning decal that advises all who approach that "This computer-friendly liveware is protected by Byte Bat."