Usually Jokes / Recent Jokes
For convenience sake, an elderly married couple scheduled their annual physical examinations to take place on the same day.
After examining the elderly man, the doctor said, "You appear to be in good health. Are there any medical concerns you would like to discuss with me?"
"Yes, doctor, there is one," replied the elderly man. "After I make love to my wife for the first time, I am usually hot and sweaty. And then, after I have sex my wife the second time, I am usually cold and chilly."
"That's quite interesting," replied the doctor. "Let me do some research and get back to you."
After examining the elderly lady, the doctor said, "Everything appears to be fine. Are there any medical concerns you would like to discuss with me?"
The lady assured the doctor that she didn't have any questions or concerns.
The doctor then asked, "Your husband had quite an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually more...
Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused.
Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job.
Active socially: Drinks heavily.
Alert to company developments: An office gossip.
Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.
Average: Not too bright.
Bridge builder: Likes to compromise.
Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law.
Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own.
Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps.
Conscientious and careful: Scared.
Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless.
Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying.
Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well.
Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice.
Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear.
Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well.
Enjoys job: Needs more...
Rules for making INDIAN Movies
1. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will
- die
- join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.
2. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savegely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).
3. Any court scene will have the dialogue
"Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else, it will be overruled.
4. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i. e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the 1st 30 minutes, and commit suicide.
5. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.
6. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will
never
- miss
- run out of bullets.
When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is more...
With the advent of the new year, many employees are faced with the dreaded "Annual Evaluation". Perhaps these lists will assist ya in in determining what your boss is really trying to say:
AVERAGE
Not too bright
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE
Dumb as a rock
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED
Has committed no major blunders lately
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE
Highly Opinionated
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES
Stubborn as Hell
TAKES GREAT PRIDE IN WORK
Conceited
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE COUNSELING AT TIMES
Lazy and hard-headed
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH
Hasn't been arrested or caught stealing lately
HAPPY AND CONTENT w/POSITION
Paid way too much
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL
We're stuck with them until retirement
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL
Wanted by no other unit/dept
SHOULD GO FAR
Termination papers have been filed
QUICK THINKING
Offers plausible excuses for errors
VERY CREATIVE
Finds reasons to do anything except more...
1. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will
a) die
a) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.
1. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).
1. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else, it will be overruled.
1. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i. e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the first 30 minutes, and commit suicide.
1. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.
1. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
a) miss
a) run out of bullets.
When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to more...