Usually Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.7. It's best to have a soft place to land.8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.11. Once you learn, you never forget how.12. If you fall off get right back on.13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.14. Remember to signal before you change direction.15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.16. Sometimes it's nice to more...

Men are like... Laxatives... They irritate the shit out of you.
Men are like... Bananas... The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like... Vacations... They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like... Weather... Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like... Blenders... You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like... Chocolate Bars... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like... Coffee... The best ones are rich, warm, & can keep you up all night.
Men are like... Commercials... You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like... Department Stores...Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
Men are like... Government Bonds...They take soooooooo long to mature.
Men are like... Mascara... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like... Popcorn... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like... Snowstorms... You never know when they're coming, how many inches more...

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.
"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers license?"
"What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
"It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration?" asked the cop.
"Registration..... what's that....?" asked the blonde.
"It's usually in your glove compartment." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration.
"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to more...

Men are like coolers... load them with beer and you can take them anywhere... Men are like chocolate bars... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips... Men are like horoscopes... they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong....

Men are like department stores... their clothes should always be half off.
Men are like vacations... they never seem to be long enough.
Men are like computers... hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Men are like coolers... load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like chocolate bars... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like coffee... the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like horoscopes... they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like plungers... they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Men are like cement... after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

10 Things Women Will Simply Never Understand
Men are a misunderstood lot, which all in all is
probably for the best. Women are better off not knowing
that we eat with our hands the minute they leave the
room or that we use their nail clippers to trim our
nose hair.
Better for them, better for us. Still, it`s annoying
that women spend more time and money trying to
understand the minds of cats than they do wondering
about what makes men tick. Which is why they`ll
never understand...
1. Our consuming need to own the biggest and most
expensive version of just about everything.
Our compulsive desire to drive off-road vehicles in
cities and use corkscrews that resemble off-shore
drilling equipment is well-documented.
As marketing targets, men are suckers for terms like
"professional"or "industrial strength", because inside
every man is the germ of every profession he more...

Submitted by Darcy

FINE

This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING

This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.' Nothing" usually signifies an
argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with' Fine'.

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD more...