Vacuum Jokes / Recent Jokes
A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman manages to bull his way into a woman''s home in a rural area.?
"This machine is the best ever" he exclaims, whilst pouring a bag of dirt over the lounge floor.
The woman says she''s really worried it may not at! come off, so the salesman says, "If this machine doesn''t remove all the dust completely, I''ll lick it off myself."
"Do you want ketchup on it?" she says, "we''re not connected for electricity yet!"
A door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his newterritory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, andbefore she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow pattiesall over the carpet.He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning up thathorseshit, I'll eat every chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and says, "You want ketchup on that?"He Salesman says, "why do you ask?"She says "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."
Vaccum Cleaner
#.An old woman was once cleaning her carpet when suddenly she heard a knock. She walks up to the
door and there stood this well built man with a vacuum cleaner.
Old woman: Young man, how may i help you?
Young man: Well, I've got this vacuum cleaner and would like you to try it.
(He enters the room and starts spreading the dust that the old woman had gathered on the carpet.
Old woman: What do you think you are doing?
Young man: You just watch me; you see this (pointing at the vacuum cleaner).It will clean your carpet
and make it new as the very first day you bought it.
He collected more dust and soot and pressed them hard on the carpet with his shoe.
He then reached for the vacuum cleaner and asked, where can I plug this?
The old woman stared at him for a while and replied, there is no electricity in this village yet, it is only in the next two village which is about 56km from here.
Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?
Why is it that no matter what colour of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?
How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?
Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not then what was the purpose of the bath?
Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say' It's all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't more...
Which of the following doesn't fit?
A Vacuum Cleaner
A Refrigerator
A Washing Machine
A Woman?
The vacuum cleaner. everything else leaks when it's fucked
Compiled by Harold Reynolds and updated on December 6, 1994
1. Introduction
The following is a manual of guidelines for the busy cat(s) who will have a house to manage after adopting one or more humans. It is, of course, impossible to cover all possible situations, as those humans are always up to some sort of mischief, but the compiler and contributors to this guide have endeavoured to cover as wide a variety of topics as possible. It is important that this document be kept out of the hands of humans, who will undoubtedly find a way to use it to their advantage.
2. Food
In order to get the energy to sleep, play, and hamper, a cat must eat. Eating, however, is only half the fun. The other half is getting the food. Cats have two ways to obtain food: convincing a human you are starving to death and must be fed now; and hunting for it oneself. The following are some guidelines for getting fed.
a) When the humans are eating, make sure more...