Vain Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Vain Person: One who loves the smell of his own farts.

When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven." Sorry, old man," Peter said, "But I can't let you in. You seethe big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin backin 1978 -- You took the Lord's name in vain during a golf game." "Oh, yes. I'll never forget that one, and I'm terribly sorryPeter, but I can explain...", the old golfer blithered. "Well," said Peter, "You'll have to take it up with The Big Guy." So Peter led the old golfer down a long golden hallway, to God'soffice. "We've got another code 6 here, sir! Says he can explain..." "So," booms God, "You've been taking my name in vain." "Only once, your Almighty, Sir. But I can explain!" "OK. Try me, " replied the Lord. "Well you see sir, I was playing my best game of golf ever, andI made it to the 18th hole, and I'd win the tournament if I couldjust make par on this hole. I made my shot from the tee, more...

A priest and doctor were out golfing. The doctor gets up to take his first shot. He swings and misses the ball completely.
"God dammit, I missed," says the doctor.
The sky starts to darken a bit becoming overcast.
"Don't use the Lord God's name in vain," says the priest.
"I am sorry, Father," replies the doctor.
The doctor steps up again to tee off and misses the ball once again.
"God dammit, I missed," says the doctor.
The sky darkens even more and a low rumble resounds throughout the land.
"Don't use the Lord God's name in vain," says the priest.
"I am sorry, Father," replies the doctor.
Once again, the doctor tries to take a swing at the ball and completely misses. He throws his club to the ground and yells, "God dammit, I missed."
The heavens roared and the storm erupted, sending a lightning bolt down and straight into the priest, which struck him dead.
Then a more...

A priest and doctor were out golfing. The doctor gets up to take his first shot. He swings and misses the ball completely."God dammit, I missed," says the doctor.The sky starts to darken a bit becoming overcast."Don't use the Lord God's name in vain," says the priest."I am sorry, Father," replies the doctor.The doctor steps up again to tee off and misses the ball once again."God dammit, I missed," says the doctor.The sky darkens even more and a low rumble resounds throughout the land."Don't use the Lord God's name in vain," says the priest."I am sorry, Father," replies the doctor.Once again, the doctor tries to take a swing at the ball and completely misses. He throws his club to the ground and yells, "God dammit, I missed."The heavens roared and the storm erupted, sending a lightning bolt down and straight into the priest, which struck him dead.Then a booming voice arose from the sky and said, "Dammit, I more...

Eddie visits his church to confess. He sits down in the confessional and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned. I have used foul language, and took the Lord's name in vain." The priest says, "It's OK son. Tell me what happened." Eddie says, "Well father, I was golfing with my buddy. We're very competitive.
It was the 18th hole and we were tied. His tee shot went straight down the fairway and my tee shot went into the rough."
The priest says, "Oh I see, you were angry with your shot and cursed." "No father, I didn't curse at that time. My buddy's next shot reached the green, my next shot went into the sand."
The father chuckles and says, "Well, one can see why you were angry then. Is this when you took the Lord's name in vain?" "Not then father. My shot from the sand landed 2 inches from the cup.
So close!"
The priest says, "Oh my. I see why you were so angry.
So that's when more...