Vampire Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...

Q. What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws.
Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws.
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low elf esteem.
Q. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A. Ribbon hood.
Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic.
Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Snowflakes.
Q. Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
A. She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!
Q. What was so good about he neurotic doll more...

One evening two vampire bats were hanging out in their cave. One said, "Man, I'm starving! I need to get some blood!" And he flew out of the cave.He returned about three hours later with blood dripping from his mouth. "Where'd you get the blood?" the other bat
asked."Well, you fly out of the cave, and you see the first tree on the left?""Yes," the other bat replied."Well, I didn't."

You insist that your boss call you "Rowan Starchild" because
otherwise you'd sue for religious harrassment. (Score double for this
if you don't let that patronizing bastard call you "Mr. or
Ms. Starchild.")
You've ever confused the Prime Directive with the Wiccan Rede.
You've ever cast a spell with twenty-sided dice.
You said it was bigotry when they didn't let you do that
ritual in front of city hall. It had nothing to do with the skyclad
bit.
You picketed The Craft and Hocus Pocus, but thought that the
losers who picketed The Last Temptation of Christ needed to get lives.
You've ever publicly claimed to be an elf, alien, vampire,
faerie, or demigod, and been genuinely surprised when not everyone
took you seriously.
You've ever publically claimed to be the reincarnation of
Gardner, Merlin, Aleister Crowley, King Arthur, Cleopatra, Morgana Le
Fay, or Jim Henson, and been genuinely surprised when not more...

Q: What happens when you forget to pay an exorcist?
A: You get re-possessed.

Q: What is the largest building in Transylvania?
A: The Vampire State Building.

Q: What does a weight-conscious vampire drink?
A: Blood Light.

Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.