Vampire Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery.
Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Q: What happened to the lawyer who was thrown out of a saloon?
A: He was disbarred.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Q: If a vampire bites a lawyer, isn't that cannibalism?
Q: What is brown and black and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A doberman.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A: When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
Q: What is the difference between yogurt and the American Bar Association?
A: Yogurt has culture.
Q: How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Heck, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Do you know how to catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
A ghost joke
What airline do ghouls fly with?
British Scareways!
A cannibal joke
What do cannibals eat at partys?
Buttered host!
A vampire joke
What happened to the lovesick vampire?
He became a neck-romancer!
A cannibal joke
What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock?
It repeated him!
A vampire joke
Which vampire tried to eat James Bond?
Ghouldfinger!
A vampire joke
Why are vampires always worn out in April?
Because they’ve just finished a long March of 31 days!
A skeleton joke
What happened to the lazy skeleton?
He was bone idle!
Q: What goes "Oob, oob!"
A: A witch in reverse.
Q: How do you make a milkshake?
A: You sneak up behind a glass of milk and yell "Boo!"
Q: What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
A: She flies off the handle.
Q: Why do demons hang out with ghouls?
A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend.
Q: Why did the other kids have to let the vampire play baseball?
A: It was his bat.
Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
A: Put your boos and shocks on.
Mother vampire to son:
Hurry up and eat your breakfast before it clots.
Mommy, Mommy, the kids all call me a werewolf.
Never mind, dear, now go and comb your face.
Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other?
A: See you next month!
A werewolf joke
Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
The whatwolves and whenwolves!
A skeleton joke
What do you do if you see a skeleton running across a road?
Jump out of your skin and join him!
A vampire joke
If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do?
Join his fang club!
A skeleton joke
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones!
A vampire joke
What’s Dracula’s favourite soup?
Scream of tomato!
A ghost joke
Where do ghost trains stop?
At devil crossings!
A cannibal joke
How does a witch-doctor ask a girl to dance?
”Voodoo like to dance with me!