Vampire Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What would you get if you crossed Halloween with Independence day?
A: The Fourth of Ghoul-ly!
Q: Why were the trick-or-treaters wearing grass skirts?
A: Because it was Hulaween!
Q: Where does a vampire keep his Easter candy?
A: In his Easter casket!
Q: How does a monster begin a fairy tale?
A: "Once upon a slime..."
Q: What's worse than a vampire with a toothache?
A: A skeleton with arthritis!
Q: What happened when the ghost disappeared in the fog?
A: He was mist.
Q: Where's the most dangerous place to go trick-or-treating?
A: On the psycho path!
Q: Did you hear about the really stupid horror movie?
A: It was shudder nonsense!
Q: Did you hear about the Egyptian monster who was a terrible driver?
A: He was a crash mummy!
Q: Did you hear about the starving vampire?
A: He was all gums!
Q: Why is it tough to compete against a vampire?
A: Because they're always out for more...
A cannibal joke
What do pygmy cannibals eat for breakfast?
Weedie Bix!
A ghost joke
Why were ancient Egyptian children confused?
Because their daddies were mummies!
A cannibal joke
What happened when the cannibal crossed the Atlantic on the QE2?
He told the waiter to take the menu away and bring him the passenger list!
A ghost joke
Where do ghosts live?
In dread-sitters!
A ghost joke
How do you know if your being haunted by a parrot?
He keeps going “ooo’s a pretty boy then”!
A vampire joke
What did the vampire say to the wolfman?
You look like your going to the dogs!
A vampire joke
What’s the difference between a vampire and a biscuit?
You don’t know?
Well don’t try dunking a vampire in your tea!
A vampire joke
Why did the vampire have fang decay?
He was always eating fangcy cakes!
A ghost joke
Where do Australian ghosts go on holiday?
Lake Eerie!
A vampire joke
Why did the vampire take up acting?
It was in his blood!
A ghost joke
What is a ghost’s favourite desert?
Knickerbocker ghouly!
A vampire joke
What is a vampire’s favourite fruit?
A neck-tarine!
A cannibal joke
Why won’t cannibals eat Frank Sinatra?
Because he’s always coming back!
A vampire joke
What is the American national day for vampires?
Fangsgiving day!
What happened when a doctor crossed a parrot with a vampire? It bit his neck, sucked his blood and said, "Whos a pretty boy then?"
A skeleton joke
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler!
A vampire joke
What happened to the vampire who swallowed sheep?
He felt baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!
A ghost joke
Who is the most important member of the ghost’s football team?
The ghoulie!
A skeleton joke
What happened to the boat that sank in the sea full of piranha fish?
It came back with a skeleton crew!
A ghost joke
How do ghosts like their eggs cooked?
Terrifried!
A vampire joke
Why do vampires do well at school?
Because everytime they are asked a question they come up with a biting reply!
A skeleton joke
What do you call a skeleton who acts in Westerns?
Skint Eastwood!
Three vampires walk into a bar and sit down at a table. The waitress comes over and asks the first vampire what he would like. The first vampire responds, "I vould like some blood." The waitress turns to the second vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some blood." The waitress turns to the third vampire and asks what he would like. The vampire responds, "I vould like some plasma." The waitress looks up and says, "Let me see if I have this order correct. You want two bloods and a blood light?"
Why is it tough to compete against a vampire? Because theyre always out for blood!