Vant Jokes

Three vampires sit down at a table in a bar and order drinks.

The first vampire says "I vant some blood!"

The second vampire says "I vant some blood, too!"

The third vampire says "Just plasma for me, please."

The waitress takes the order, walks over to the bar and yells "Two bloods and a blood lite!"

1. Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, your PC would get "Verklemmt". 2. When you fill up your "C-drive", you will get a "Hard Drive is Schtopped" message. 3. Hanukkah screen savers will have "Flying Draydles". 4. Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings. 5. CD-ROM's would be rendered obsolete with the invention of high compression DVB's (digital video bagels). 6. Your "Start" button would be replaced with a "Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!" button. 7. "Abort, Retry, Ignore" would be replaced with "Stop it already You're killing me!, You vant I should try it again?, I didn't hear that!". 8. When disconnecting external devices from the back of your PC, you would be instructed to "Remove the cable from your PC's toukhes" 9. Your multimedia player would be renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!" 10. During Passover, your PC would more...

If Microsoft was jewish. .. Instead of getting a "General Protection Fault" error, your PC would get "Ferklempt". "Year 2000" issues are replaced by "Year 5760-5761" issues. Hanukkah screen savers will have "Flying Dreidels". Your PC shuts down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings. After your computer dies, you would dispose of it within 24 hours. Your "Start" button would be replaced with a "Let's go! I'm not getting any younger!" button. "Abort, Retry, Ignore" would be replaced with "Stop it already - You're killing me!, You vant I should try it again?, I didn't hear that!". When disconnecting external devices from the back of your PC, you would be instructed to "Remove the cable from your PC's tuchis". Your multimedia player would be renamed to "Nu, so play my music already!". Internet Explorer would now have a spinning "Star of David" in the upper right more...

If Microsoft were Jewish:
1. Your PC would shut down automatically on Friday evenings.
2. Your "Start" button would be replaced with a "Let`s go. I`m not getting any younger." button.
3. RETRY would be replaced with "You vant I should try again?"
4. When disconnecting external devices from your PC, instructions would say "Remove from your PC`s tuchis the cable ".
5. Your CD player would be labelled "Nu, so play my music already.".
6. You would hear "Hava Nagila" during startup.
7. SCANDISK prompts you with, "You vant I should fix?" message.
8. When your PC is mult-tasking, you would occasionally hear an "Oy Gevult."
9. Manischewitz would advertise that its "monitor cleaning solution" gets rid of the "schmutz" on your screen.
10. After 20 minutes in an idle state, your PC would go "Schloffen."
11. All computer viruses would more...

This joke could be offensive to Norwegians, but I can assure you it's not.
Any Norwegian reader would just tell an even better joke about a Swede instead.
Read in a book about the Joke-war between Norway and Sweden.
It's mid December some year, and Norway has had a new ambassador in the USA
for about a month. He is, as a matter of fact not only new as ambassador
to the USA, he is a novice ambassador of any sort.
He is just about getting familiar with his
work, but he's not always sure about what to do. Suddenly the phone rings..
- Yees... he says, a bit confused. (His phone hardly ever rings.)
- Good morning Mr Ambassador. This is Mike Giordano from the New York Times.
I'd like to know what you want for a Christmas present.
- Eh, Sveind (Yes, that's his name) said. Christmas present... Eh...
I'm very sory Mike, I can't accept any gifts, but tanks anyway.
- Yes, of course... I understand, said Mike with a voice telling a deaf more...