Vegas Jokes / Recent Jokes

Las Vegas has announced a new crackdown on homeless people in the city.
Basically, they want you to leave after you lose all your stuff.

A guy runs out of a Las Vegas hotel and says to a stranger, "Can youloan me two hundred bucks? My wife had a terrible accident."The stranger says, "If you need two hundred dollars, what are youusing to gamble with?"The guy replies, "Oh, Ive got gambling money."

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He says,"What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to Las Vegas. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free!"
Later that night on her way out the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies...
"I'm going to Vegas too. I want to see you live on $800 a year!"

A man takes the day off of work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron"
The man looks round and doesn't see anyone so he tries again. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits a birdie. He is shocked.
He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog eh?" The frog reply's "Ribbit, Lucky frog. Lucky frog." The man decided to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?", the man asks. "Ribbit 3 wood." was the reply.
The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "Ok where to next?" The more...

A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas. Overnight, he has a fantastic run of luck. He stumbles out of the casinoand finds a pay phone. He calls his wife and says, "Honey, pack your bags. I just won over a million dollars in Vegas." His wife say, "That's wonderful. What should I pack for... Europe, the Carribean?" He says, "I don't care, just be gone when I get home."

After an argument with his wife, a man stalked out of the house. He returned a few hours later to find his wife packing a suitcase. He angrily asked her where she was going." I'm moving to Las Vegas. I can make $400-500 there doing what I give you for free." The man thought about this for a moment, then pulled out his own suitcase and began packing. His wife asked where HE was going." I'm going to Las Vegas, too. I want to see how you manage to live on $800 a year!"

It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway. Las Vegas: It's against the law to pawn your dentures.It's still "legal" to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property. Clark County: An ordinance makes bringing a concealable fire arm into the county illegal unless it is registered with the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department. In order to register a handgun, however, it must be brought in to the police station. Furthermore, you may not register a gun on the weekends, but the police may prosecute you at that time. Elko: Everyone walking the streets is required to wear a mask. Eureka: Men who wear moustaches are forbidden from kissing women. Nyala: A man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day. In Eureka: Men who have mustaches are forbidden from kissing women.