Vegas Jokes / Recent Jokes

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabby. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his driver's license number, his address, etc., but to no avail.

The cabby said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!"

So the businessman was forced to hitch hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas, and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the more...

No one can tell me the Internet's not educational. So far, I've learned that Spanish is not the official language of Brazil and now, thanks to 57 kind souls, I know there are only 36 numbers on a roulette wheel. I thought I'd better brush-up on gambling:
The closest mecca of chance to me is Atlantic City. People used to go there to get tanned - now they go to get faded.
A compulsive gambler I know took a 9 to 5 job in Atlantic City. He didn't like the work so much, but the odds were pretty good.
A manhole cover blew off and rose into the air. As it was still airborne, a fellow yells, "Two to one it's heads".
If you've never been to Atlantic City, you can gamble just about anywhere in the city. One young lady went to a laundromat and lost all her clothes.
But gambling is not confined to a particular city - it's all over. I used to work with a fellow who only made mental bets. He ended up losing his mind.
At Boulder Dam, near Las Vegas, they recently more...

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

Michael Jackson is in discussions about creating a 50-foot robotic replica of himself to roam the Las Vegas desert, according to reports.

Transformers, hide your children.

There were four nuns, who had been together in the same convent all of their
adult years, all having become nuns immediately after leaving high school. Now
in their mid forties, these nuns began to discuss how much of real life they
had missed, and how limited had been their experiences in the "real" world.
Finally they conceived a plan, to correct this lack of experience, before their
looks were entirely gone. They pooled such savings as they had, borrowed money
from relatives, and all four went on a long weekend junket flight to that ever
popular, world capital of sin, Las Vegas.
As soon as they hit Vegas, the four nuns ditched their habits, and did the
rounds of all the beauty shops, the boutiques, and the shopping malls. All
dolled up, made up, and ready to go, they spent the entire weekend "out on the
town" in Vegas, having a marvelous time, and catching the red-eye back home
Sunday night.
Monday morning they more...

There were four nuns, who had been together in the same convent all of their
adult years, all having become nuns immediately after leaving high school. Now
in their mid forties, these nuns began to discuss how much of real life they
had missed, and how limited had been their experiences in the "real" world.
Finally they conceived a plan, to correct this lack of experience, before their
looks were entirely gone. They pooled such savings as they had, borrowed money
from relatives, and all four went on a long weekend junket flight to that ever
popular, world capital of sin, Las Vegas.
As soon as they hit Vegas, the four nuns ditched their habits, and did the
rounds of all the beauty shops, the boutiques, and the shopping malls. All
dolled up, made up, and ready to go, they spent the entire weekend "out on the
town" in Vegas, having a marvelous time, and catching the red-eye back home
Sunday night.
Monday morning they more...

Saul is working in his store when he hears a booming voice from above: "Saul, sell your business." He ignores it. It goes on for days. "Saul, sell your business for $3 million." After weeks of this, he relents, sells his store. The voice says 'Saul, go to Las Vegas." He asks why. "Saul, take the $3 million to Las Vegas." He obeys, goes to a casino. Voice says, "Saul, go to the blackjack table and put it down all on one hand." He hesitates but knows he must. He's dealt an 18. The dealer has a six showing. "Saul, take a card." What? The dealer has - "Take a card!" He tells the dealer to hit him. Saul gets an ace. Nineteen. He breathes easy. "Saul, take another card." What? "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!" He asks for another card. It's another ace. He has twenty. "Saul, take another card," the voice commands. I have twenty! Saul shouts. "TAKE ANOTHER CARD!!" booms the voice. Hit me, Saul says. more...