Vegetarian Jokes / Recent Jokes

To help the new wave of incoming students from India, here are the proper answers to awkward questions asked everyday:
Q. What does that red dot on women's forehead mean?
A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by target practicing by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that is one of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they mastered the art of archery and hit the target....
Q. You're from India? I have read so much about the country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation?
A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in our house. But later, we started participating in elephant-ride sharing schemes with our neighbors, to save the air. You see elephants have an "emissions" problem.....
Q. Does India have cars?
A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourage ride-sharing more...

100, 000 sperm and you were the fastest?
42. 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real more...

My friend Chandra with his family took me to a resturant in Dublin for dinner. He said to the Waiter, "My friend is holidaying here and he is a Vegetarian".
Promptly the waiter stretched his hand towards me and shook my hand, and said,' he is Nigerian!'

I'm not vegetarian because I love animals, I'm vegetarian because I don't like vegetables.

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I was adding milk to my coffee when a vegan colleague said, "Do you know that milk belongs to a calf?"
If it hadn't have been first day at work, I'd have replied, "Relax, I already ate that calf for lunch".

She was an octo-lavo vegetarian. She had to wash the carrots eight times before she ate them.