Vehicle Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys. 2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited. 3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash. 4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft. 5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys. 6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships. 7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys. 8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals. 9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, more...

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at
a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House)
a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not
limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e. g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed
by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief
that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus hereinafter ("Claus)
would arrive at sometime thereafter.

The minor residents, i. e. the children, of the aforementioned House,
were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
hallucinations, i. e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats,
including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did
dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred
to as "I), being more...

Those who have been driving for many years are familiar with macho driving techniques. Newer drivers however, are probably curious as to what these people are up to. Here's some tips for macho driving:
Drive a pickup truck whether you need one or not. It must be very large with lots of blinding yellow fog lights. If it doesn't have them already, purchase used tires from MX missile transport trucks (roughly 6' in diameter); raise the suspension to allow clearance over the whimps that drive cars.
Practice your best scowl. Remember, that this is the only expression you are permitted to show once you're behind the wheel.
Do not be intimidated by the weather. It should never affect your driving style. Under no circumstances should you use windshield wipers. They're for appearance only. If snow blankets your vehicle, clear a peep-hole just large enough to see what's in front of you. You are not permitted to leave your vehicle to do this however! If you can't reach around to the more...

Connorsvill, Wisconsin:
It is illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.
Willowdale, Oregon:
It is illegal for husbands to curse during sex.
Oblong, Illinois:
It is punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
(Trust me if a man takes his wife fishing on their wedding day, he has an even bigger problem.)
Alexandria, Minnesota:
No man is allowed to make love with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath.
Ames, Iowa:
A man cannot have more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife, girlfriend, or significant other- or holding her in his arms.
Bozeman, Montana:
Has a law banning all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown - if they are nude.
Newcastle, Wyoming:
An ordinance specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat more...

Connorsvill, Wisconsin:It is illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.Willowdale, Oregon:It is illegal for husbands to curse during sex.Oblong, Illinois:It is punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.(Trust me if a man takes his wife fishing on their wedding day, he has an even bigger problem.)Alexandria, Minnesota:No man is allowed to make love with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath.Ames, Iowa:A man cannot have more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife, girlfriend, or significant other- or holding her in his arms.Bozeman, Montana:Has a law banning all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown - if they are nude.Newcastle, Wyoming:An ordinance specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat freezer.Illinois:A state law mandates that all bachelors should be called "master," not more...

Reasons why a normal Car is a far superior vehicle than a F1 Car"Hundreds of people and tens of millions of dollars go into building an F1 car, but a normal car is a far superior vehicle. You wonder what goes through those guys' minds when design their cars. THEY'RE ALL WRONG!!!" No door... I mean, people have to climb in. Actually, ANYBODY can climb in and steal it. Pffft! No roof... The people who drive these things are left open to the elements. Like, even convertible cars have something you can pull over your head. No radio (AM and FM), no cassette nor CD player... how boring it must be to drive in those things for close to two hours without having anything to listen to. No heating... Being left open to the elements, the drivers' toes must become very cold after a while. No coffee cup holder... Those guys can spill all the hot (and dangerous stuff) over themselves. What with them steering with one hand and trying to drink with the other. No ashtrays and electric more...

1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited. 3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash. 4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft. 5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys. 6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships. 7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys. 8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals. 9. If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, more...