Vehicle Jokes / Recent Jokes

NEW YORK - Rapper 50 Cent was arrested in Manhattan on Friday for making an unsafe lane change, driving with an expired permit, driving without insurance and driving without a vehicle registration.
He was let go after a friend showed up with proof that 50 Cent owned the vehicle.... A gold plated, diamond encrusted vehicle registration that was attached to the large bottom of an African American woman, named "shorty", wearing a thong bikini, who happened to be celebrating her birthday at the time....Ya feel me?

1300. 01 GENERAL
1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
5. It shall be unlawful to shout “whiplash”, “ambulance”, or “free Perrier” for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
9. If an attorney is elected to more...

STATE OF CALIFORNIADEPARTMENT OF INSURANCE 1700 "J" STREETSACRAMENTO, CA 95368PETE WILSON HARRY WALBRATHGOVERNOR DIRECTORBULLETIN NUMBER 95-2374DATE: OCTOBER 20, 1995TO: ALL CALIFORNIA INSURANCE AGENCIESALL CALIFORNIA DEALERS OF NEW/USED AUTOMOBILESFROM: CALIFORNIA DEPARTMENT OF INSURANCESUBJ: AUTOMOTIVE VEHICLE HEADLAMP DIMMER SWITCH1. Pursuant to the California Department of Motor Vehicles Act Number DMV 95-79221, all motor vehicles sold in the State of California after November 1, 1995 will be required to have the headlamp dimmer switch mounted on the floor of the vehicle. The dimmer switch must be mounted in a position accessible to operation by pressing the switch with the left foot. The switch must be far enough removed from the left foot pedals to avoid any inadvertent operation and/or pedal confusion. 2. Included in the above act, and beginning January 1, 1996 all other vehicles with steering mounted switches must be retrofitted with a floor mounted dimmer switch of more...

This is a true story.
This happened many years ago, and was told me by a man with spare time on his hands, who used to spectate in court to pass some of that spare time.
Lawyer - "You say you saw the defendant's car involved in a road accident at the junction of X and Y?"
Policeman - "That is correct."
L - "And where were you at this time?" P - "At the junction of X and Z."
L - "So you were some 80 yards away when the incident occured?" P - "Yes, I was."
L, in incredulous accent - "So you were 80 yards away, but you say you knew this vehicle had been involved in an accident?" P - "Yes."
L - "Then please tell the court how you knew this vehicle went through a red light?" P - "Because the light that I could see was green."
L, triumphantly - "Ah, but how did you know that it had been in an accident?" P - "Because it went past on its roof."

Here is the report on our SCIENTIFIC CORRECTNESS SURVEY. The question was:
Is faster-than-light travel possible?
This survey drew an onslaught of opinions.
The vote was a landslide (72%) for the YES side. Thus, another controversy is put to rest. Henceforth, it will be scientifically correct to believe that faster-than-light travel is possible.
Opinions ranged from positive to negative, and from simple ("Yes") to hideously complex. While the results are interesting, the variety of methods used to obtain them is dazzling.
* * *
Some readers used fuzzy logic:
I have never really believed that light actually goes at the speed of light. Have we any proof? I worked out that it should go at root two times the speed of light (c) making the constant itself irrelevant.
-Graeme Winter
* * *
Other readers used higher-level fuzzy logic:
This is an interesting question, coincidentally I was driving through a Minnesota blizzard last week when my more...

Thou shalt not park thy helicopter in the open, for it bringeth the rain of steel.
Thou shalt not expose thy shiny mess gear, for it bringeth unwanted guests to chow.
Thou shalt not wear white T-shirts, or thine enemies will dye them red.
Thou shalt provide overhead concealment, for thine enemies' eyes are upon thee.
Thou shalt cover thy tall antenna, for fly swatters groweth not in yon wood.
Thou shalt use a red lens on thy flashlight, or it shall appear as a star in the East.
Thou shalt cover the glass on thy vehicle, for the glare telleth thine enemy thy location.
Thou shalt blend with thy surroundings, for trees groweth not in yon desert.
Thou shalt cover the tracks of thy vehicle, for they draweth pretty pictures.
Thou shalt cover thy face, hands, and helmet, for thine enemies maketh war not on bushes.
Thou shalt not drape thy net on thy tent, for it looketh like tent draped in net.
Thou shalt hide the wires of thy commo, for they more...

1. Before changing lanes you should:
A. signal.
(B) check for traffic.
(C) both a & b.
(D) just swing into the lane without doing either a or b.
2. The top light on a traffic signal is:
A. red.
(B) yellow.
(C) green.
(D) Who cares, it doesn't apply to me anyway.
3. The speed limit in a residential area is:
A. 35 MPH.
(B) 25 MPH.
(C) 45 MPH.
(D) I paid $65,000 for this car, I'll drive as fast as I want.
4. In California, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you should:
A. slow to a walking pace.
(B) go around the block.
(C) stop.
(D) speed up and honk your horn.
5. In the other 49 states, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you
should:
A. maintain your speed.
(B) slow a little.
(C) slow a lot.
(D) speed up and don't bother honking your horn.
6. Your may make a left turn from the right lane:
A. never.
(B) when there is a left turn arrow.
(C) on Sunday at 2 more...