Verdict Jokes / Recent Jokes

Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder.
There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse.
In the defense's closing statement the lawyer,
knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he'll probably be convicted,
resorts to a clever trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer says as he looks at his watch.
"Within 1 minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this court room," he says and he looks toward the courtroom door.

The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A minute passes. Nothing happens.
Finally the lawyer says:' Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."

The jury, clearly more...

Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder.
There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse.
In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is
guilty and that it looks like he'll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever
trick.
''Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,'' the lawyer
says as he looks at his watch. 'Within 1 minute, the person presumed dead in
this case will walk into this court room,' he says and he looks toward the
courtroom door. The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A minute
passes. Nothing happens.
Finally the lawyer says: 'Actually, I made up the previous statement. But
you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is
reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that
you return a verdict of not guilty.'
The jury, clearly confused, retires to more...

The day after a verdict had been entered against his client, the lawyer rushed to the judge's chambers, demanding that the case be reopened, saying: "I have new evidence that makes a huge difference in my client's defence."
The judge asked, "What new evidence could you have?"
The lawyer replied, "My client has an extra $10, 000, and I just found out about it!"

BREAKING NEWS: GOD OVERRULES SUPREME COURT VERDICT Bush to be smitten later today In a stunning development this morning, God invoked the "one nation, under God" clause of the Pledge of Allegiance to overrule the Supreme Court`s decision that handed the White House to George Bush. "I`m not sure where the Supreme Court gets off," God said this morning on a rare Today Show appearance, "but I`m sure as hell not going to lie back and let Bush get away with this bullshit." "I`ve watched analysts argue for weeks now that the exact vote count in Florida `will never be known.` Well, I`m God and I DO know exactly who voted for whom. Let`s cut to the chase: Gore won Florida by exactly 20, 219 votes." Shocking political analysts and pundits, God`s unexpected verdict overrules the official Electoral College tally and awards Florida to Al Gore, giving him a 289-246 victory. The Bush campaign is analyzing God`s Word for possible grounds for appeal. more...

A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with a group of lawyers. The prosecutor felt that it would be an interesting experiment to try a case before a jury of lawyers, and the defense counsel had no objection, so a jury was impaneled. And the trial went very quickly -- after only an hour of testimony, and very short closing arguments, both sides rested. The jury was then instructed by the judge, and was sent back to the jury room to deliberate. After nearly six hours, the trial court was concerned that the jury had not returned with a verdict. The case had in fact turned out to be every bit as simple as he had expected, and it seemed to him that they should have been back in minutes. He sent the bailiff to the jury room, to see if more...

The DA stared at the jury, unable to believe the "not guilty" verdict he'd just heard. Bitterly, he asked, "What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?"The foreman answered, "Insanity."The attorney responded, still incredulous, "I could understand that.. . but
- all twelve of you?"

A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk driving case. The defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial.
Since it was nearing 4pm and getting a jury would take time, the judge called a recess and went out in the hall to look for anyone who might be available for jury duty. He found a dozen attorneys in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury.
They thought this would be quite a novel experience, so they followed the judge back to the courtroom. In no more than ten minutes, the trial was over and it was very apparent that the defendant was guilty.
The jury went into the jury room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was out of patience, so he sent the baliff into the jury room to find out what was holding up the verdict.
When the baliff returned a few minutes later, the judge asked, "Well, have they reached a verdict more...