Vice-president Jokes / Recent Jokes

MEMORANDUM From: Headquarters To: General Managers Next Thursday at 10: 30 Halley’s Comet will appear over this area. This is an event which occurs only once every 75 years. Notify all directors and have them arrange for all employees to assemble on the Company lawn and inform them of the occurrence of this phenomenon. If it rains, cancel the day’s observation and assemble in the auditorium to see a film about the comet. MEMORANDUM From: General Manager To: Managers By order of the Executive Vice President, next Thursday at 10: 30, Halley’s Comet will appear over the Company lawn. If it rains, cancel the day’s work and report to the auditorium with all employees where we will show films: a phenomenal event which occurs every 75 years. MEMORANDUM From: Manager To: All Department Chiefs By order of the phenomenal vice-president, at 10: 30 next Thursday, Halley’s Comet will appear in the auditorium. In case of rain over the company lawn, the executive vice-president will give more...

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case... ok"

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case... ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case... ok"

Three guys decided to form a partnership and go into business for themselves.
"Since I put up sixty-five percent of the capital," the first said, "I am appointing myself Chairman of the Board and President."
"I put up thirty percent," said the second, "therefore, I am appointing myself Vice-President, Secretary and Treasurer."
"Well, I put up five percent," the third partner said. "What does that make me?"
"I am appointing you Vice-President of sex and music," said the Chariman.
"That sounds good," said the third partner, "but what does it mean?"
"What it means is, if and when I want your advice, I'll whistle!" the Chariman said.

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people - Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle"They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off." - Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers."The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep." - Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." - Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." - Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents"When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results." - Former U.S. President Calvin Coolidge"It's like deja vu all over more...

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gate's daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case... ok"
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case... ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gate's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case... ok"
This is how business is done!!