Vice Jokes / Recent Jokes
In The Beginning was The Plan. And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without formAnd the Plan was completely without substance and the darkness wasupon the face of the workers and they spoke among themselves, saying... "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh." And the workers went unto their Supervisors andsayeth, "It is a pile of dung and none may abide the odor thereof." And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such thatnone may abide by it." And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth, "It is avessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength." And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another,"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong." And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth untothem, "It promotes growth and is very powerful." And the Vice Presidents went more...
Job Interview Quotations Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience interviewing prospective employees. A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle. Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time. Candidate fell and broke arm during interview. Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fies in the interviewers office. Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the interviewer. Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico. Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few minutes later wearing a headpiece. Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm. Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice more...
Administratrium, The New Element
AMES, IA–The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused on reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead more...
one DAY this boy asked his dad " what is politics?" his dad replied "ok ill put it this way: im the president /your mom is the vice president /the maid is the world/ and your the people"....so the boy goes tobed thinking about what his dad had said.. he woke up i the middle of the night and had to go to the batheroom he went into his parents room but his mom is asleep so he walks to the maids room but the door is locked he peeks in the key hole and sees his dad in bed with the maid... SO THE BOY GOES TO BED WITH OUT GOING TO THE BATHEROOM THE NEXT MORNING HIS DAD ASKS" SO DID YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT I SAID" THE BOY REPLIES " YEP" DAD SAYS "TELL ME "THE BOY SAYS"WELL I FOUND OUT THAT THE PRESIDENT IS FUCKING THE WORLD WHILE THE VICE PRESIDENT IS ASLEEP, AND THE PEOPLE ARE IN DEEP SHIT.
How Shit HappensIn the Beginning was The PlanAnd then came the AssumptionsAnd the Assumptions were without formAnd the Plan was completely without substanceAnd the darkness was upon the face of the WorkersAnd the Workers spoke amongst themselves, saying"It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and sayeth,"It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth,"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying one to another,"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth unto them,"It promotes growth and is very powerful."And the Vice more...
It had taken him several months, but the executive vice presidenthad finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back ofhis leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way." And just where have you been until this hour?" demanded hiswife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home." Down at the office," he replied, "working like a dog."
The Washington Post
february 4, 1988
I Believe
This is more commentary than humor, but what the heck...
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I believe the president. I have always believed him. I believed him when he said he had never been drafted in the Vietnam War and I believed him when he said he had forgotten to mention that he had been drafted in the Vietnam War. I believed him when he said he hadn't had sex with Gennifer Flowers and I believe him now, when he reportedly says he did.
I believe the president did not rent out the Lincoln Bedroom, did not sell access to himself and the vice president to hundreds of well-heeled special pleaders and did not supervise the largest, most systematic money-laundering operation in campaign finance history, collecting more than $ 3 million in illegal and improper donations. I believe that Charlie Trie and James Riady were motivated by nothing but patriotism for their adopted more...