Vice Jokes / Recent Jokes

Air Force One crashes, instantly killing President Clinton, Vice President Gore,
and their wives. Being the very important people that they are, St. Peter greets
them personally at the Pearly Gates and informs them that they have been granted
an audience with God. They are lead by St. Peter to a tremendous thrown room.
The Supreme Being, of course, is seated upon the throne.
"And who might you be?" God asks of the Vice President.
"I am Albert Gore Jr., Vice President of the United States of America."
"Ah, yes. You have done much for the environment. I love your work. Come sit on
my left. And you there, who are you?"
"Your holiness, I am William Jefferson Clinton, President of the United States."
"Right. You are a brave man who has confronted some difficult issues. Come sit
on my right. Now, who might you be?"
"My name is Hillary Rodham Clinton and you are sitting on my seat."

The Vice President and his best friends were out hunting
birds. People in the office knew that the best friend had
some dirt on the vice president. When the vice president
came back from hunting, the guy that owned the hunting place asked, "Where's your friend?" The Vice President started to shake and said, "Oh he's still hunting. I have my animals in this gym bag here." "O.k."
A week later he came back alone. Then when he got to the car the next day a police man was writing a parking ticket. The officer said, "Sorry, sir, but I have to write you a ticket," and glanced at his police partner in his police car. Then the Vice President said, "Ok, let me just unlock the car and I'll be on my way." Then when he clicked the trunk opener by accident, the trunk popped, and there was his best friend dead in the trunk and he said, "Oops..."
This shows how stupid some politicans can be.

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.
Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store! ”.
“Really? ” he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.
A clerk answers and Tom says “Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas? ”
The clerk replies “Canned or frozen? ”

"Similarities between presidents Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton":

Nixon: Watergate Clinton: Water Bed

Nixon: His biggest fear: the Cold War Clinton: His biggest fear: a Cold Sore

Nixon: Carpet bombing Clinton: Carpet burns

Nixon: His Vice President was a Greek Clinton: His Vice President is a geek

Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her

Nixon: Couldn't explain the 18-minute gap in the Watergate tape Clinton: Couldn't explain the 38-DD bra in his briefcase

Nixon: His nickname was Tricky Dick Clinton: No difference

Nixon: Ex-President Clinton: Sex-President

Nixon: Known for campaign slogan "Nixon's The One" Clinton: Know for women pointing at him and say "He's the one"

Nixon: Famous for his widow's peak Clinton: Famous for bringing widows to their peak

Nixon: Well acquainted with G. Gordon Liddy Clinton: Well more...

Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa,
throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of
whatever is left.
Experienced mathematicians will attempt to prove
the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1
as a subordinate exercise.
Professors of mathematics will prove the existence
of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture
of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
Computer scientists hunt elephants by exercising
Algorithm A:
Go to Africa.
Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent
alternately east and west.
During each traverse pass,
Catch each animal seen.
Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
Stop when a match is detected.
Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A
by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the more...

My friend sent me these jokes doing the rounds of the American capital since President Bush and his lady moved into the White House and vice president Quayle has turned out to be somewhat of a nincompoop. It is said that Millie, the President's dog (bitch), is being banished from the White House because she pisses on the Bushes and eats Quayles.
Since in the absence of the President, a vice president automatically steps up, the Democrats are calling for a Quayle-Bush impeachment insurance.
Also that the secret service be given standing orders that if someone shoots President Bush, they should first shoot vice president Quayle.
There are no limits to American black humour.

Administratrium, The New Element

AMES, IA--The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused on reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second.

Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually more...