Village Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa arrived in his village from Amritsar in a very sombre mood. His clothes were torn and the geography his body was like a picturesque place affected by earthquake, which had uprooted almost evrything.
When his dear friend Banta saw this state of Santa. He was in a state of shock. Banta enquired from Santa, the reason of this bad state.
Santa informed Banta that when he boarded the flight from Birmingham to Amritsar, he was looking for familiar faces to pass the journey. And he came across his colleague Jack, who was visiting India as a tourist.
Not able to hide my expression, I said, "Hi Jack" from a distance. And suddenly the Air marshals swooped on me and in no time, I was on the ground. On landing at Amritsar, I was handed to the Police and they are responsible for this sorry state. I was saved by the timely intereference of Jack and The Superintendent of Police, who turned out to be from my Wife, Jeeto's village.

1. Sex Education
"What did you have in school today?" a father asked his teenage son.
"Oh we had lectures on sex!" was the reply.
"Lectures on sex? What did they tell you?" asked the father aghast.
"Well, first there was a priest who told us why we shouldn't, Then a doctor told us how we shouldn't. Finally the principal gave us a talk on where we shouldn't."
2. The modern child
A man wanted to foster a love for music in his children so he bought them a piano.
When he got home he found them contemplating the piano in puzzlement. "How", they asked "do you plug it in?"
3. City boy in Village.
A little boy was in a village, away from the big city for the first time in his life. He was standing on the sidewalk when an old man drove up in a horse and cart and went into a shop. The boy kept gazing in wonder at the horse, an animal he had never seen in his life. When the old man came out more...

This story, highlights the humiliations civil servants have to suffer at the hands of ministers.
There was this civil servant who retired after 40 years of slogging in his office. He rented a small cottage near a village and went into a self-imposed Vanprastha. The villagers became very curious about him. But all they saw was that every morning a boy came to his door, rang the bell and spoke a sentence. The civil servant replied with a sentence and handed him a coin. When curiosity got the better of the village folk, they approached the boy and asked him what passed between them:' Nothing much", replied the lad.' He's hired me to ring his bell and say to him: "Sir, the Minister wants to see you!" And he replies: "Tell the bloody Minister to bugger off." For this he pays me ten pence a time.'

A person from Muzaffarpur narrates a story about an election campaign. A car broke down on the road. While the driver was tinkering with the engine, a rustic came along and asked if he could get a ride to his vllage which was a short distance away in the same direction.

"No," replied the car owner, "this car is only meant to take Congress voters from their villages to the polling booth. You go to your village on foot and then I may give you a lift."

The car drove away. The driver remarked to his boss, "Sir, I am sure from this man's village we will not get a single vote."

"That was the whole idea," replied the boss. "I don't want my party to win because it did not give me the ticket."

There was this village lost in the depth of the Kumaon hills. No one visited it and none of its inhabitants had gone out to see what the rest of the world looked like. Then suddenly one villager won a lottery which gave him a free ticket to see three big cities of India. The entire village was agog with excitement. They gave their co-villager a pen and a pad and said, "You make a note of whatever you see in everyone of the three cities you visit and come and tell us about it when you return."
The lucky villager was first taken to Delhi and shown the Kutub Minar. In his pad he noted down "Kutub Minar". The next city he went to was Jaipur. There he saw many camels and faithfully recorded "camel". The third city was Ahmedabad where he saw lots of donkeys. He recorded "donkey". When he returned to his village, he told everyone of the wonderful things he had seen. Some months later a camel strayed into the village. They ran to the man who had more...

Three men were hiking through the jungle. All of a sudden a tribe of natives surrounded them, kidnapped them and hauled them to their village. Bound, they were brought before the chief, and the entire village. The chief stood up and said: "you each have the choice death or bonja bonja, if you choose bonja, bonja you will live".
Man number one thought to himself well I don't want to die, I just got married. So he chose bonja, bonja. The chief smiled. The entire male half of the tribe ran up and bum rushed him. Man number one, although barely able to walk, surrvived.
Man number two, although horrified, thought to himself I can't die, I just won the lottery and have every opportunity in the world, and look man number one survived. So boldly he declared "I choose bonja, bonja!". Once again all the males ran up behind him and had their way. In tears man number two hobbled away, in pain but alive.
It is now man number three's turn, he is puking in complete more...

Did you hear about the village idiot buying bird seed? He said he wanted to grow some birds.