Virgin Jokes / Recent Jokes

A recently married couple retire to their honeymoon suite. Before hopping into bed the bride says, "Now honey, you'll be gentle with me won't you. You know that I'm still a virgin."
This clearly surprises the man, "What are you saying. Aren't I your third husband?"
The woman replied, "Yes, but my first husband was a psychologist and all he liked to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist and all he liked to do was look at it. Since you're a lawyer, I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna get screwed!"

A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married 12 times.

On their wedding night, they settled into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride said to her new room, "Please, promise to be gentle. I am still a virgin."

This puzzled the groom, since after 12 marriages, he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomenon.

She responded:

My first husband was an IBM Sales Representative who spent the entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, how great it was going to be, but never delivered.

My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he promised he would send me documentation.

My third husband was from Field Services and repeatedly said that everything was diagnostically OK, but couldn't get the system up.

My fourth husband was from more...

A mark resembling an outline of the Virgin Mary appeared on a griddle at the Las Palmas Mexican restaurant in Calexico, Calif. Manager Brenda Martinez said the likeness first appeared when the griddle was being cleaned on April 22. Religious experts are saying this is a miracle, because they’ve never heard of a Mexican restaurant cleaning a griddle.

A woman, getting married for the fourth time, goes to a Bridal Shop and asks for a white dress.
"You can't wear white." Reminds the sales clerk, "You've been married three times already."
"Of course I can, I'm a Virgin." Says the Bride
"Impossible" says the sales clerk.
"Unfortunately not." The Bride explained:
"My first husband was a Psychologist, all he wanted to do was talk about it. My second husband was a Gynecologist, all he wanted to do was look at it. My third husband was a stamp collector, God I miss him."

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she
was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last
days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that
she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:

"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker
told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it
in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the
inscription to be unnecessarily long.
They simply wrote:

"Returned unopened"

A woman, getting married for the fourth time, goes to a Bridal Shop and asks for a white dress.
"You can't wear white," reminds the sales clerk, "you've been married three times already."
"Of course I can, I'm a virgin." Says the Bride
"Impossible!" says the sales clerk.
"Unfortunately not." The Bride explained; "My first husband was a psychologist, all he wanted to do was talk about it.
"My second husband was a Gynaecologist, all he wanted to do was look at it.
"My third husband was a stamp collector... God, I miss him."

T. M. Nair, a well-known politician of Madras of the early nineties, while in London used to frequent a particular pub in the East End. His usual drink was a cocktail of vermouth and gin, the code word for which between his regular waiter and himself was virgin. Once in the absence of the regular waiter, the one substituting for him came to take Dr. Nair's orders. "The usual virgin", Dr. Nair said. After a minute or two, the waiter came back and whispered into the ear of his client, "One cannot be found in London at present, Sir."