Virus Jokes / Recent Jokes
There is a computer virus that is being sent across the Internet. If you receive an e-mail message with the subject line "Free Money," DO NOT read the message. DELETE it immediately, UNPLUG your computer, then BURN IT to ASHES in a government-approved toxic waste disposal INCINERATOR.
Once a computer is infected, it will be TOO LATE. Your computer will begin to emit a vile ODOR. Then it will secrete a foul, milky DISCHARGE. Verily, it shall SCREECH with the tortured, monitor-shattering SCREAM of 1,000 hell-scorched souls, drawing unwanted attention to your cubicle from co-workers and supervisors alike. After violently ripping itself from the wall, your computer will punch through your office window as it STREAKS into the night, HOWLING like a BANSHEE. Once free, it will spend the rest of its days TORTURING household PETS and MOCKING the POPE.
Some filthy, disgusting miscreant... some no-good, low-down, good-for-nothing DIRTY SNAKE, in twisted pursuit of her own more...
There is a computer virus that is being sent across the Internet. If you receive an e-mail message with the subject line "Free Money," DO NOT read the message. DELETE it immediately, UNPLUG your computer, then BURN IT to ASHES in a government-approved toxic waste disposal INCINERATOR.Once a computer is infected, it will be TOO LATE. Your computer will begin to emit a vile ODOR. Then it will secrete a foul, milky DISCHARGE. Verily, it shall SCREECH with the tortured, monitor-shattering SCREAM of 1,000 hell-scorched souls, drawing unwanted attention to your cubicle from co-workers and supervisors alike. After violently ripping itself from the wall, your computer will punch through your office window as it STREAKS into the night, HOWLING like a BANSHEE. Once free, it will spend the rest of its days TORTURING household PETS and MOCKING the POPE.Some filthy, disgusting miscreant... some no-good, low-down, good-for-nothing DIRTY SNAKE, in twisted pursuit of her own sadistic more...
Subject: -What software version are you running?
I`m currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I`ve been having some problems lately.
I`ve been running the same version of Drinking Buddies 1. 0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I`ve tried have always conflicted with it.
I hear that Drinking Buddies won`t crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off.
But I`m embarrassed to say I can`t find the switch to turn the sound off.
I just run them separately, and it works okay.
Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.
I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1. 0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2. 0.
After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with more...
This is deadly serious, so don't ignore it. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.
Beware of...
THE CLINTON Virus...
(Gives you a 6 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)
THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus...
(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)
THE LEWINSKY virus...
(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did)
THE RONALD REAGAN virus...
(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)
THE MIKE TYSON virus...
(Quits after two bytes)
THE OPRAH WINFREY virus...
(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to stabilize around 200mb)
THE JACK KAVORKIAN virus...
(Deletes all old files)
THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus...
(Disks can no longer be inserted)
THE PROZAC virus...
(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)
THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus...
(Only attacks minor files)
THE more...
There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally, and by hand.
This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.
You should forward this warning to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
This is deadly serious, so don't ignore it. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.
Beware of...
THE CLINTON Virus....
(Gives you a 6 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)
THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus...
(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)
THE LEWINSKY virus...
(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did)
THE RONALD REAGAN virus....
(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)
THE MIKE TYSON virus....
(Quits after two bytes)
THE OPRAH WINFREY virus....
(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to stabilize around 200mb)
THE JACK KAVORKIAN virus....
(Deletes all old files)
THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus...
(Disks can no longer be inserted)
THE PROZAC virus....
(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)
THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus...
(Only attacks minor files)
THE more...
This is deadly serious, so don't ignore it. Several new viruses have been discovered and are wreaking havoc throughout the national system.Beware of...THE CLINTON Virus....(Gives you a 6 Inch Hard Drive with NO memory)THE BOB DOLE (aka: VIAGRA) virus...(Makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy)THE LEWINSKY virus...(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails everyone about what it did)THE RONALD REAGAN virus....(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)THE MIKE TYSON virus....(Quits after two bytes)THE OPRAH WINFREY virus....(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then slowly expands to stabilize around 200mb)THE JACK KAVORKIAN virus....(Deletes all old files)THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus...(Disks can no longer be inserted)THE PROZAC virus....(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doesn't care)THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus...(Only attacks minor files)THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus(Terminates some files, leaves, but will be back)...and last but not least...THE more...