Virus Jokes / Recent Jokes
If you receive an email entitled "Bad times," delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 900 numbers.
This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink ALL your beer. FOR GOD'S SAKE MAN, ARE YOU LISTENING?!!!!!
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a more...
An actual mailing: Greetings, You have just received the "IRISH VIRUS". As we don't have any programming experience, this virus works on the honor system. Please delete all the files on your hard drive manually and forward this virus to everyone on your mailing list. Thank you for your cooperation.
With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following.
1. Viruses replicate quickly.
Windows does this.
2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so.
Windows does this.
3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk.
Windows does this.
4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems.
Windows does that too.
5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
Same with Windows, yet again.
Maybe Windows really is a virus.
Nope! There is a difference!
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So there! more...
With the recent problems being encountered by Windows users all across the country, people are begin to ask themselves if windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question a study was done and concluded the following.
1. Viruses replicate quickly.
Windows does this.
2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so.
Windows does this.
3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk.
Windows does this.
4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems.
Windows does that too.
5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware.
Same with Windows, yet again.
Maybe Windows really is a virus.
Nope! There is a difference!
Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.So there! Windows more...
Oprah Winfrey virus:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.
AT & T virus:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.
MCI virus:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you`re paying too much for the AT & T virus.
Politically Correct virus:
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:
Terminates and stays resident. It`ll be back.
Government Economist virus:
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
New World Order virus:
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
Federal Bureaucrat virus:
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most more...
John Bobbit Virus--Removes a vital part of your hard disk and then re-attaches it. (But it will never work again.)•Oprah Winfrey Virus--Your 850 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 200 MB, and then slowly expands back to 850 MB. •Politically Correct Virus--Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism". •Right to Life Virus--Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives. •Government Economist Virus--Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. •Federal Bureaucrat Virus--Divides your hard disk into thousands of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer. •AT&T Virus--Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. •MCI Virus-- Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you are more...
•WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger•WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet•WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file •WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong•WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused•WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive•WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent on hardware•WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments•WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened•WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full•WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MB•WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More! •WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside•WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside•WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened•WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers•WinErr: 013 Unexpected error - Huh? •WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked - Try more...